The wife.
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| Fri, 01-21-2005 - 7:59pm |
She is not the Wife.
She's not the W.
She is HIS wife. HIS family.
They are not the kids.
He's not sticking around for the kids.
They are THEIR children. He is staying with HIS family.
I understand all too well the need to distance yourself. I was just there. Trying to pretend that his married life was all some sort of bad dream. Some part he played on tv. That he was the real him when he was with me. In fact, if you read my posts, I never even referred to him as MM. I called him my man who was still married. Or my guy who was still married.
I exerted ownership over him and made HIS wife into THE wife. Some inanimate object.
AS LONG AS YOU ARE DEHUMANIZING *HIS* WIFE... YOU WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS AFFAIR!!!
You can talk all you want about the dog, the boat, the house, the car..... but its HIS WIFE, HIS CHILDREN and HIS FAMILY..... and no matter how bad you wish they would go away, they are a living breathing feeling reminder that you ARE NOT part of HIS LIFE. You were "the other woman".


I agree Sunshine. The AS board taught me that. It was a matter of semantics for me really whenever I heard someone say "the" wife. I never referred to her at all except by her first name or "your" wife in my brief affair. But when I read a similar statement on a post in the AS board, it made me mindful. Not that I will EVER knowingly be involved with a married man again...but I will always think of that when I hear "the" wife again.
As a matter of fact its funny you mention this as I just 10 minutes ago realized a post I posted today in MAS i typed speaking to another poster about her situation "there is someone else...the W" (paraphrasing), and as i re-read it realized i had typed THE wife. ugh...without thinking.
Shame on me,
Lizzie
Lizzie,
The fact that you recognized it speaks volumes.
We train ourselves to do that. Its a woman's way of "comparmentalizing" (sp?). Men compartmentalize, women dehumanize. And its a matter of realizing that and breaking the chain.
We have to remember that its not always what we say, but how we say it, that shows the real picture.
You're well on your way, sister. Hugs to you!
"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t
Beautifully said, Burnie, and I couldn't agree more.
Strength & peace,
Posie
Pose,
Isn't it interesting how all those so desperately concerned with calling her, can't seem to call her by name?
I wonder if the phone call starts with... "So... you must be the W."
Somehow I highly doubt its that easy to show that level of disrespect when confronted with the fact that she's real.
The only way to end it is to accept it is over. And that it never really was.
"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t
Hey Burnie,
Interesting, yes. Surprising, no.
And unsurprising really only because we've been there. We've depersonalised and objectified hence we're able to spot it a mile off.
Working through exactly what that means to the collective wives of MM as well as what it says or said about our actions at a particular time in our lives is tough going.
It's far easier to continue justifying past behaviour than it is to face that grotesque reflection in the mirror because it's not remotely flattering. We want to believe better than that of ourselves and we want others to believe better of us, too. It is, however, the only way forward and the only way to grow, poppet.
But you already know that much - so shuddup and pass me a damn moonpie... ;)
Strength & peace, U
da Pose
<<>>
I'm one of the lucky ones, I guess ;)
I'll bring the moonpies and RC cola... you bring the tea and crumpets.
Or the spotted dick.
*giggles at funny british food*
"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t
"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t
LOL - I hate stodgy puddin's but if it's spotted dick yer wantin', it's spotted dick I'll be bringin'...Burns night soon, how 'bout some haggis, nips & tatties for main course?
da Pose
nips and tatties sound fun... and scary.
but I think I'll stay clear of the haggis.... ewe. literally.
;)
"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t