Will the affair start again

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Will the affair start again
3
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 8:46pm
My 5 month affair ended about 5 wks. ago. We still have weekly contact at work, due to the fact that he is a police officer who works at my place of employment. He is the one that initiated the affair and the one that ended it. It was very intense while it lasted. But with other things happening in his life at the time, he said he just couldn't do it anymore, but he wanted to remain friends. He asked me several times if I could be his friend again, and also if I had gotten emotional in this affair. We both agreed from the beginning that we would keep it physical and not emotional. At times I think he did let his emotions get involved, just things I would pick up on, the way his eyes would light up, things he said, etc. There is another person at work that picked up on it and asked me about it, and said that he thought me and mm were falling in love with each other. I denied it all along but deep down, I knew he was right. He knows it has ended and he thinks that there are feelings there that me and mm need to talk about. What good would that do? We are both married and neither wants to leave our spouses. This started out as co-workers/friends. An outsider would never believe that he nor I would cheat on our spouses. It makes me wonder how many people that we interact with on a daily basis is capable of having an affair. I guess more than I imagined, I have been married 20 yrs. and never ever thought it would happen to me.



I will see my ex mm tomorrow at work. It is hard to go on as nothing ever happened. If he were to give me the signs tomorrow, I would start the affair again with him.

Since it ended I think about him everyday, almost all day long. I try not to, but my thoughts always go back to him.

I also fear that one day my husband might find out about this. That would be devastating.

I have a wonderful husband who did not deserve to be cheated on. Don't ask me why I did because I don't have the answer to that one.

I fear that ex mm might someday tell his wife and then she may confront me.

I know her and my husband knows him. The sad thing is that my husband thinks he is a great guy, and he is.

How many of you have had him end the affair, and then some time later get back into the affair, even though I know it is wrong, that is what I want to happen. I catch him looking at me and I see the spark in his eyes. I wish he would tell me that he still wants me, because I still want him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 1:53pm
To answer your question I think it could very well start again since you see each other so often. Once you are intimate with someone it is very hard to stop if you still care for one another. You have a hard decision to make. Going cold turkey and NC or ending up in bed with him again. Oh, that sounded blunt and I don't mean to. I am just having a "bad day". 4 1/2 months NC for me and yes he, my XOM started it and ended it. And I too have been married 20 + yrs. I still hope it's not really over and am having a hard time accepting that it is. Luckily (?) he is living hours away so I don't see him. If I did, I fear I would have nc - that's no control! So I live in limbo, still checking email everyday, still dreaming about him constantly, still resenting my marriage. I know that sounds pathetic and it is. This is what happens when we play with fire I guess.

Sorry if I brought you down, I do wish you the best of luck in your situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:07pm
Hi Tempted. I mainly post on the MAS board, but I look in here once in awhile, because alas, I was on here this fall.

MM appeared to break it off with me for 8 weeks. Unlike you, we do not even live near each other and do not work in the same place, so when he started NC, it was no see, no hear, nothing. I had no idea why it ended, it just did.

Then I heard from him again after about 8 weeks. He apologized and I took him back. We've been seeing each other since (its been over 2 years total we've been together).

To answer your questions about could it start up again? Yes, if you want it to. I was not ready to let him go, I still needed him in my life (still do).I think you must know how you feel, if you really can't let him go, or can you walk away?

I know you don't want to hurt your H. You have to figure out in your heart, what is right for you. I know for me, the thought of losing MM is so hurtful, I can't bear to think of it right now. So for now, I am staying with how things are.

It must be so difficult for you ladies who work with MM. I honestly have to say I give you alot of credit, I would be so upset and hyper if I did !! I really don't think I could bear to see him everyday and know that I could no longer have him. It would just kill me.

BTW, I wouldn't worry about him telling his W. Why would you think he'd do that? He'd only be hurting himself too, and he was the one who ended it right?

Take care, and just do what you think is right for you.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 2:01pm
I'm so glad to find others who have MM or exMM at work. It is driving me crazy - impossible to have NC. We ended the sexual side 4 weeks ago and everyday I hope he'll email me wanting to go have lunch or drinks... Yet I know this is a dead-end road which will only cause me more pain. It is so easy to seek the pleasure of the moment, but I'm trying to remember that true happiness is something much more long lasting and as a result takes longer to acheive.

You are not alone ! Good luck !