Will the attraction ever subside

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Will the attraction ever subside
3
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 6:34am
It has been 4 wks since my 5 month affair ended. I still see him at work and sometimes it is easy and other times real hard. I still catch him looking at me and it makes me wonder what he is thinking about. I still think about him and re-live the memories of our times together and all the things he said to me. It is a daily struggle to force myself to not think about him. It is getting a little easier, but then at other times I am really down. We still talk as we did before the affair began, but it is different. I wish I knew if he thinks about me the way I do him. If he gave me a clue or sign that he wanted to pick up where we left off, I would even though I know it is so wrong. We are both married and we both love our spouses and never started this affair with the intention of leaving either of our marraiges. It was the strong physical attraction with each other that started the affair. I have never felt this way in my 20 yrs of marraige and it scares me.Any advice from anyone would be appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 8:02am
Yes, the attraction will subside. I also work with XMM. What I try to do is focus on the negatives when I am around him. If memories resurface I say to myself, "Just let it go" and I take a deep breath. It really does help. My XMM is extremely good looking, in my eyes anyway, but I just try to look past that.

We ended almost 6 months ago and occasionally I will have a rough day. Last Mon was one of them. I had an incredible headache by noon and just wanted to go home. On my way out the door after work, I called his office from my cell and told him that I couldn't work with him anymore. We work for an organization with 2 local offices and much of the time we work at opposite places. He actually does the scheduling for his area and sincerely offered to adjust the schedule so we don't work together. Just knowing that he would do that made me feel better. As great as this sounded at the time, I think it's better to see one another occasionally to get past all of this. I work on an as needed basis, so he would have to constantly be readjusting the schedule and I think people would catch on to what he was doing and why, so I have decided it's best to just leave it as it is.


My advise would be to focus on your H, not XMM. All of the feelings that I had for XMM I now have from my H. I just changed the way I look at my H and we are doing really well.

Remember an A is fantasy and you can have all that and then some in your marriage if you really try and most importantly, you don't have to hide it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 9:00am
Tempted,

The attraction will subside. It is harder for you because you have to see him so often. I was unbelievably attracted to OM (he was great to look at....if he would have just kept his mouth closed...lol) but when things ended horribly between us my attraction went out the window!! Stay strong and in time you will find that you just don't feel it for him anymore.

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 10:46am
Well I am really not the one to give advice, but I am in a similar situation, having just ended an 18 month long affair. I think about her all the time too, wondering if she still loves me or if she hates me now for not leaving my wife, etc...I am confident that in time, our feelings for our ex-MM, MW, OW, OM will suside. We will never forget them or the great memories but that awful, crushing feeling WILL melt away into memories. We need to focus on our marriages, and if things don't work out, then move on. But these affairs tend to be somewhat toxic I think. What do you think ? Good luck...