Will I be alone 4-ever?
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| Sat, 06-12-2004 - 9:58pm |
I think worrying about if I will ever find someone (who is actually available!) is not something I should be worrying about right now. I have a lot on my plate to be working through and need to cool down after the emotional upheaval of the last few months.
I am plagued by the fear that I will never meet someone and never have a family. Apparently, from the posts on the other board, that is a very real possibility! I guess I should just push that thought out of my mind for right now.
This affair, and all the consequences of it, have really damaged my self esteem. I can't go back to the person I was but I do believe that I will emerge from this experience a stronger, wiser, more whole woman.
All I can do is what is right in front of me right now. The future is unknown but how is living in fear going to help anything? It won't.
This board has been really supportive of me and I just want to send out some "BE STRONG" vibes to everyone who is suffering. Please know that you are not alone.
Peace,
Realsign

Job #1 is getting your life to be what you want it to be -- by doing that, you'll find you attract the "right" kind of people, including men.
I'm not good at it yet! I still fall down, but I know I'm better than I used to be & still striving forward.
15 mos. affair free!
Congrats on being affair free for so long!
Love,
Real
i have thought and worried about the "what ifs" also....of not finding someone to love, to share things with, of not ever having children or a family....but i also don't think being involved in an A with someone who cannot tell you how they feel, who cannot spend the everyday moments with you, and has someone else waiting for them at home is a way to spend your days either.
I've found that i lost my self-esteem from being in this affair...and that takes a lot for me to say since i am usually a very independant woman who is also of strong character....but right now...i feel very weak, scared, needy, and fragile. And the thing is...my XMM has noticed it also. Which means that i need to change some things here in my life.
Someone on this board mentioned b4 a book by Dr. Phil titled "Self Matters"....while i was at the store the other day i picked it up. I have to tell you, it's a great book, and ime only 60 pages into it. I think it will be a way for me to get my self-esteem back...not only that, but it also keeps my mind occupied. If you haven't read it already...i suggest u go to your nearest store and get it. It's a learning process to get back to yourself.
Thanx for the strong vibes....we all need them here...same goes out to you :).
This time I am really trying hard to find a middle ground. You know, recognize that I am feeling that way, try to reach out to friends, this board, do comforting things BUT ALSO try to go about my regular life - do my work, eat healthy, clean my house.
I really liked this quote in the book "Bee Season":
You have to find a mother inside yourself. We all do. Even if we already have a mother, we still have to find this part of ourselves....When you're unsure of yourself, when you start pulling back into doubt and small living, she's the one inside saying, "Get up from there and live like the glorious girl you are."
Love to all you glorious girls!
-Real
I can not say that I regret the A. I have learned so much about myself from it. Like you, I have come out alot wiser and I have gained new confidence in some aspects but oddly enough too, the A was a blow to my self esteem.
I think the A gave me a whole new perspective on almost every aspect of my life. I try to look at it as a wake up call from the bubble I was living in.
You didn't say how long it has been since your A ended, but I am going on almost 6 months of NC. I feel 90% better than I did at the beginning but there are still those rough days when you just feel so alone. The best advice I can give is to reflect on how the A has changed yuo for the better as a person and what you have learned. I look at my A as a valuable lesson that has taught me hurt, joy, and a growing experience. Hopefully one day we can make new, better memories with someone single!!