Will not cyber stalk, will not cyber stalk ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Will not cyber stalk, will not cyber stalk ...
21
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 7:28am

Started to go there this morning. Took one look at his picture and said "NO MORE" to myself and closed the page. Now I have to scrub the image from my brain. Again. Ugh.

I will get past this, I will get past this, I will get past this. I have to search deeper to figure out why I am so hung up. What am I hanging on to? Why am I being so resistant to letting go at this phase? I am embarassed and disappointed at my lack of progress. I seem to be in "stuck" mode. I know it is my fault.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 8:20am

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 8:30am

Don't have a lot of time, but I do want to say:

Stay Strong. Cyber stalking hurts. Before the A, a co worker of mine told me FB is evil. I disagreed. Now I know it can be great (check in with my cousins and elderly aunt) and it can be evil. (Opening that door-checking his page.) Your not the only one tempted to cyber stalk, but you did the right thing by stopping and hanging here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 8:45am

That's right Alwayst-

You will not Cyber -Stalk!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 10:01am
Hi alwayst, you will get past this keep digging for your reasonsi as you said and it will become clearer to how to move past this point. Focus on the progress you have made as well, when you compare how far you have come against this urge it will give you that extra strenght to push past this. I think we are faced with old temptations to see how we handle them each time and see what we changed which I can see you did. You got off the page immediately and told yourself no more. You are making progress, your determination is strong so be gentle with yourself and celebrate your accomplishments to keep moving forward:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 10:22am

Thanks, lovely ladies. I have not felt anger until now--9 weeks out. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I want to poke Santa's little helpers in the eyes. I want to tie jingle bells around my neck and run away to a warmer clime where they celebrate sunsets with jugglers and mimes and margaritas. I want to crawl in bed and not get out until spring. I want to kick myself in the azz and sit myself in a corner with a dunce cap on. I want to sit with my girl pals and cry.

I am so angry. I am angry at myself for allowing myself to get involved in this mess when I KNEW from the very, very beginning that there was no where for it to go and would end in heartbreak of some nature. I had no idea how damaging this was going to be to myself. I was only concerned about getting caught and possibly hurting my husband. I was clueless as to the damage I was doing to myself.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 12:02pm

I am kinda in shock here cause your last post was as though I wrote it myself, word for word... we are going through the exactly same thing, like all of us here actually... but your story and my story are incredibly similar....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 1:25pm

Hi Devious,

I'm certainly not an expert here (24 days NC) but several things in your post stood out to me as patterns of thought I had that were destructive to my healing and I want to share some ideas that helped me...

"he picture is dark and from far away so I don't get a clear look at his very handsome face"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 2:55pm

A~

Try using

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 3:40pm
[[[[[[alwayst2]]]]]]

No dunce cap, sister. We got in this mess because we didn't love ourselves enough. Don't beat yourself up. I keep telling myself I have to act like I am the love of my life. I have to love me like I loved him. That means I am VERY protective of me. Very gentle to me. Because I deserve it. I deserve time to learn how to love myself and I need to expect to make mistakes along the way. So do you.

The cyberstalk is a little spilt milk. No biggie..nothing to worry about. Just stay strong. I need you to help me stay strong, too! I throw up a little in my mouth if I go to the blog. But I haven't gone there in a long time and I won't hurt myself like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 6:03pm

Thank you all so much for your support and strength vibes. It helps tremendously.

I pulled myself up today, went out and called on clients, and had a very productive day. It felt good. However, I think I may be

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

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