Will not cyber stalk, will not cyber stalk ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Will not cyber stalk, will not cyber stalk ...
21
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 7:28am

Started to go there this morning. Took one look at his picture and said "NO MORE" to myself and closed the page. Now I have to scrub the image from my brain. Again. Ugh.

I will get past this, I will get past this, I will get past this. I have to search deeper to figure out why I am so hung up. What am I hanging on to? Why am I being so resistant to letting go at this phase? I am embarassed and disappointed at my lack of progress. I seem to be in "stuck" mode. I know it is my fault.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 6:13pm

((((((((Always))))))

I hear you woman!!! and I am here for you!!! HOWEVER I can help.

WHAT IS IT?!?!?

WE are hitting this _____________ at exactly the same time.

I like how youre thinking and laying it out...cuz Im really IDENTIFYING BIG TIME!

I dont have answers. Im looking for them myself.

But I do have LOVE, EMPATHY, UNDERSTANDING AND CARE for you - :)

I believe in you - I admire you.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 6:53pm

((((((Always)))))

You HAVE progressed, in leaps and bounds, please don't be so hard on yourself.

I am no expert here, being a newbie and all, but i really feel that we may be hanging onto the fantasy that we created in our heads, and i say WE because

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 8:57pm
Great post love is enough...keep at it
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 9:13pm
Unbreak me....great post...you newbies are rockin

Always,

Chica?! Que te Pasa? Tell me what's good. I am still should ya need me...ok, you know my stance on cyberstalking....but for the new newbies...it's like putting your hand on rights on hot coals....know how your body feels the burn and jerks but hesitates for a second, that pause or reaction is the time you look at that photo of whatever...u look at it and its like a knife thru the heart....just sucks...you examine it from top to bottom, looking for a hint of anything...

I know why you do it. I was once on your shoes and did my fair share of it on my early ending days. If it makes you all feel a bit better, even as a vet, I am sometimes curious what ever happened to the MM that was a gifted liar and sociopath...but I could care less about checking him out online....and when I do think of him, it's utter relief that I got away. I did it. In the end, I won. He lost me. I gained my life back. He is still lost and looking for his next victim. He and I were toxic, I am whole and happy. Life went on. So chin up ladies. If you knew my story and Always does, and you knew the utter hellish A and hellish ending I had, you will know that you can do this! I pray that this time next year, we will be Vets! I am lonely here in vetville...Clarity is in and out the compound, E-1 is on leave. Iddy is around, but me and Dee been consumed by real life....TU will join us soon, then Bodhi, and a few others....we need some assistance!! So let go of the FB BS, even if it means you don't log into your own account....we did have lives before FB, it's ok to put it on hold for a while...blessing to all!

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 9:36pm
Thanks, Luv. I am so grateful for this place. I am grateful for those of you who come here long after the sting is gone to help us. You are angels. Thank you, Thank you Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 9:54pm

Always,

it takes a long freakin time to let go of our 'dreams' is all i know....i held on so very long to my 'dream' of him

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 12-15-2010 - 10:41pm

And let me remind everyone that cyberstalking IS contact.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 12-16-2010 - 8:25am

Melinda,

You are so amazing. It blows my mind to think you went 18 months NC without the aid of EAS but as you readily admit, it wasn't until you came here that you truly started healing and growing. If I haven't said it before, I want you to know how much I love your posts. I can relate to so much you say and love the way you say it.

xoxo

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 12-16-2010 - 8:29am

(((Luvin)))

Did you know that I

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Thu, 12-16-2010 - 9:19am

Wlwayst,

How are you feeling today?