Wish I hadn't seen that ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2012
Wish I hadn't seen that ...
4
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 3:50pm

I've been doing so well.  Really well.  NC since  that horrible, awful text message.  Not even tempted.  Just getting my life back on track and being happy. 

 And then.... a friend sent me a link to an article this morning that they thought I would be interested in.  There was no hint as to what it was so I clicked.  And there he was.  My xAP.  Smiling out from a picture with his arm wrapped around the 2nd W.  The picture was along with an article about yet another business that they have opened. Together.  I really wish I would have known what it was about.  I would have deleted it without looking.  I've been climbing the walls trying to get that image out of my head.  That smug, know it all grin.  I have to remind myself that he is NO good for me.  No good. 

Why does that hurt so much? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 6:56pm

UGH...I wish you hadn't seen that, too :(

Perhaps it still hurts because you are seeing him move on...all kinds of happy appearing...while you still struggle?  Or you miss the highs when things were shiny and new?

At least you are reminding yourself that he's no good for you.  Never was, really.  The relationship was tarnished from the very beginning.

A beump (using my Jacque Cousteau voice) in your road, Blondehigh.  These little beumps sure can trip us up sometimes...especially when we don't expect them.  But you are not falling down...and that's a good thing.      

This, too, shall pass.

((hugs))

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2012
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 10:53am

Thanks, Clarity.  I'm not sure what bothers me about this and I'm trying not to waste any more of my time thinking about it OR him.  My initial reaction was it brought back so many lies that he told about his life.  I always believed him, no matter how many other people told me differently.

 And it also made me think about her, which was surprising.  I always tried to avoid that.  It made me feel bad for her, to be living that lie with him and not knowing what kind of person he is.  I used to wonder how she couldn't know what he was up to. I mean, she has caught him up in many lies and he would ask me to cover for him.  That's how pathetic it was.  And, of course, he was still married to W#1, and involved with me, when he took up with her.  Even though he divorced #1 and went on to marry #2 there was never a break for us.   And now I just feel sorry for her.  She will someday discover what he is and what he's done. 

So, I'm trying to let it go and not think about it.  NC continues and it does feel good.  Even with the little bumps in the road!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 10:55am

Hi BH,

When those windows are open into xAP’s life, it allows the cold air of reality to rush in and it stings.

 <<Why does that hurt so much?>>

Was the hurt already there and the pic just triggered it to come to the surface?

<<That smug, know it all grin.>>

I see some anger there too…yes? Was this also already there too and the picture just triggered it to come to the surface?

These would be really good starting points to journal about. Why are you hurting? Why are you angry?

<<Smiling out from a picture with his arm wrapped around the 2nd W.>>

I’m curious as to why you made it a point to say his “second” wife?   

There is a lot here for you to journal about. Understanding why you feel what you feel can be instrumental in your healing.

E1

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 1:00pm

You are so right, Blondehigh.

No sense in wasting precious energy thinking about him because as you seem to recognize it is about you...why you chose to believe those lies.  Believe me, I understand.  Why I even chose to believe otherwise...even when JAM told me "I'm a liar"...Well DUHHHHH.  Straight from the horses mouth and I chose to think otherwise.

And finding emphathy for his wife...that's huge.  We really don't allow ourselves to think much about the spouses and children we are running roughshod over...reality has no place while trying to maintain an affair.  Once that fog lifts, though...

I'm really glad you are maintaining NC and that it is feeling good...beumps in the road and all.

((hugs))

Clarity