wishing you all good things/goodbye
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wishing you all good things/goodbye
| Wed, 05-18-2005 - 5:49pm |
Thank you for being a place I could come to, to feel more strength at times. I feel that at times it is hard to be here, people seem to think all affairs are because of something missing at home etc- i try to tell people that's not so- and hope I'm helping in some way. But I don't know that I feel so helpful at times. I'm so over my MM, I guess I just want to live life now and not dwell on it..and maybe that makes me less helpful to people who are really stuck and feeling depressed.. I think my time has come- to just say thanks and move on. I really do wish you all the best.

Lea
You have been very very helpful for a lot of people that have come to this board needing it, you have a gift for saying what needs to be said but in a way that does not cause people to with draw...please do not under rate what you have contributed.
You will be sorely missed BUT your right there comes a time to move one and if your ready your ready....pop infrom time to time and over a little of that wisdom that life has impressed on you, its badly needed.
By the way your right often there is not one thing wrong with the marriage or the spouse that led to an affair...often the truth is the problem is US and no one else.
Blessing on your marriage may it be long and happy.
Free
lealavendar,
You were a big part of my "welcoming committee" - and I'm sad to see you go. Free is right though, you did lend great advice and in a kind way. You also gave me encouragement since you *did* say you could go back to your marriage after the A without having to work too hard to pick it back up again.
Your first message to me re: xMM: "Tell him to stop using your body for his enjoyment!" has stayed with me and I replay those words often when I think of the next business trip that I'll have go on with him.
I truly understand wanting to leave though. In fact, I sometimes wonder if I'm not trying to safely "revive" my relationship with xMM by coming here - where know I can talk about HIM (eck - that seems to have struck a nerve so it must be true). Anyway, perfectly understandable that you're ready to move on.
Please do stop in and see how we're progressing though! Miss you already, WIP
hi lea,
best wishes to u , u dont need luck, u got determination and self respect now, i wish that u will find what u are looking for
thanks for being so kind to all of us here
love is all around u,
max
Hey Lea: Thanks to YOU. You've given alot of support and good advice here and have been a valuable part of this community. I used to post here constantly when I was first ended my A, then for a while afterwards, but then I felt like I just couldn't "dwell" in it anymore. The more time I spent involved in these affair boards, the more my mind stayed locked in affair thinking.
Like you, I feel so over my XMM. It's been a good long time since I missed him, or thought about him with anything other than passing concern or a memory. There are no feelings attached. Every once in a while he resurfaces in my life for some reason, and I find that it doesn't throw me into a tailspin the way it used to and I recover pretty quickly.
Perspective is immensely different once you actually end the A and eventually detach from the insanity and the emotions. I learn something new all the time about myself and my involvement in the A from reading on the All Sides board, and every once in a while I'm compelled to throw in my two cents. For the most part, though, I've been working on moving from intellectual acceptance of my actions to emotional understanding of the A.
Truthfully, I'm not sure I can tap into those painful feelings from the early stages of ending my A anymore. I know I remember feeling fearful and missing him, I remember the coping mechanisms I relied on to get thru the feeling of wanting to contact him, but I do also remember my strategy was that I'd made a decision to end the A. So rather than approach the situation emotionally, everytime I thought about contacting him, I rather unemotionally remembered my decision and tried never to take any actions that conflicted with this decision. I guess I have the advantage(?) of being a rather unemotional person so my decision and actions were governed mostly by my intellect.
I think you will occasionally find need/want to be here, but I wanted to share with you that I totally understand your decision to step back from this community and keep moving forward. Love and hugs to you, Mo.
~Lea~
I've enjoyed reading your posts. You have helped many people on this board and your words of wisdom will be missed. The good news though, is that you are moving on, which tells me you are well into your healing. I've stayed around this last year mainly due to the fact that I still see XMM every day and reading here keeps me honest while having to function in an atmosphere where the ghosts continue to linger.
After raising 3 children alone, the mothering comes out in me when I stumble upon a post where someone is in great pain. I can't help wanting to comfort them. I know that sometimes I get snippy, but that is only when someone continues to sabatoge themself, and I just want to snap them out of that pattern. I am far enough past the emotional aspects of my affair where coming here brings me more peace than sadness. So, I will probably hang around here forever, or "Until the cows come home." ;)
I wish you peace, love and strength,