Wishy washy
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| Tue, 05-25-2004 - 1:33pm |
My MM knows I want to end it, & I told him I wanted to end it in June (when NC is possible)so he knows it's coming, even though he's not making it the easiest decision for me. But sometimes I would love to stay in the A just a little bit longer and I'm afraid June will turn into July, etc. I'm a very strong person and just can't believe I can't make this decision and stick with it.
What I'm wondering is what was the turning point for you that said "OK it's over and that's it?" Did anyone feel frustrated with the A that they deserved more than being a "part time" activity. And how do you get back into the swing of being with just your H who makes you happy but not over the top special?
Sorry for all the questions but I always thought starting an A was harder than ending it. Boy was I wrong.
Gem

There came a point when I realized, truly realized in my heart, that I wasn't going to end my M. Unlike your situation, my marriage was all but over while my A was going on. In fact, my H was also involved with another woman. Once I realized I wasn't going to end my marriage, there was, as you said in your post, absolutely no reason to remain in the A. If you think prolonging the agony from June to July will help any, sorry, honey, I'll bet you're mistaken. It's just not easy to get yourself free of an A.
I think you've already taken the best step toward ending it: you made a DECISION. Now, even though its going to become uncomfortable and painful (and it WILL get uncomfortable and painful) you have to keep reminding yourself that in the light of day, with some very valid reasons in mind, you made a decision. Let that decision guide your actions, instead of reacting to every instance of uncomfortability or pain. If you miss him incredibly some day (and you WILL have those days) try to remember that you made a decision to end this A and its healthy and normal to miss him, but it won't do anyone any good to resume the A or even have some contact with him.
This is tough stuff, Gem. I wish you the best of luck ending the A when you're ready to do that. This board has given me tremendous support; I'm not sure I could have made it to 90 days post-A without this community!!! Love, Mo.
I already hurt just thinking the A is ending. Even though it's my decision, it's still hard because I know I'm hurting MM, but if I'm completely honest with my self, I would rather have MM hurt than my H.
I'm sure come June (and it's coming fast) I'll be posting more. And congratulations on your 90 day anniversary, you are definitely an inspiration.
Gem
I can't relate to the being M part during the A, cuz i was the single girl having the A with MM. But ime glad to see you thinking this thing thru and trying to put an end to the A. It's tough on you and will suck the life out of you emotionally if you continue in the A and your marriage. From reading the posts from others who are M and involved or were involved in an A, alot of your energy will be put into this A and not your M where it needs to be (I was divorced b4 my A, so i know marriage is tough and it takes alot of work to keep it going).
Good Luck to you in sticking to your decision to end your A, and don't let him talk you out of it for his own selfish reasons. And if you find that you want to continue to be friends with him after your decision to end it, i can tell you that you will need to be very strong since ime finding it very difficult not to be drawn back into the A.
Take Care....
Your story is just like mine however I think My A is over. At least I hope it is. We have not talked for 1 1/2 weeks. My work has noticed how upset I have been this last month trying to end it. THey dont know what is going on. They just know something is. As long as he does not contact me I will be ok. Last time I tried to stop this I changed my cell phone # and he got it which drug me back into the A. I love my H. We have problems but he loves me too and I am not second in his life. MM is just sometthing selfish I did. We were friends and do work together. I will be OK, I hope. Pray I dont return to the A
Shop
Then suddenly last Friday I heard from MM again. He said he thought it was best to end things because his W was becoming suspicious of him. So we talked for awhile then he suggests getting together again!! Then we talked on Monday, and nothing again since.
I'm not going to contact him. If this truly is the end, so be it. Actually, it still hurts sometimes to think I'll never see him again.
But then when I'm with H, I can actually forget about MM for long and longer periods of time. Good luck to you honey.
Dusty
I know all of our situations are different but we hold a common bond and I pray for us all to have the strength to realize what we need in life and not settle for less than what we deserve. I am too good a person to have anyone else's table scraps and my H is too good for me to not give him my whole. Not that it's easy to forget my A because I do love him at some level. Wish me luck in June when I'll really be put to the test.
Thank you all again and I hope someday I can do the same for you, but know that your strength is helping others.