withdrawal symptoms?
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 09-11-2004 - 9:14pm |
I have ended my A. Five weeks ago. I work with XOM every day and it has been difficult, but I can honestly say, it is ended for good for lots of reasons. I have felt proud of myself and more at peace in my heart and soul than I have in years, but I have also had days where I was so sad. Primarily, there is no doubt in my mind that I have done the right thing. Absolutely!!
My question to you all out there is that I have found myself not caring as much about such things as what I wear to work and how I look. I always make a point to dress and look my best and always will, but I find it more of a chore now whereas, during the A. I was eager to decide what I was going to wear to work the next day. I was excited to try a new hair style. I was conscious of what fragrance I wore and made sure I shaved my legs. Just such things of that nature.
My H is complimentary about my appearance occasionally, but he just accepts that I almost always look professional and nice. I know this all may sound rather shallow, but I'm just wondering if this is just another withdrawal symptom of the A. And if anyone else has felt any of these feelings?
Thanks to any of you that may respond.
IP

Yes it is a symptom of withdrawal, you may even find when you and your husband are intimate that is may seem dry and boring, this will pass no question but it takes time, please note that withdrawal symptoms will come and go in cycles, as long as you do not cave things will get better no question about it.
Hang in there
Free
I figured it was just part of the process and you are right about the intimate part with my h lately. Of course, it hasn't helped that we have both not felt our best with colds and allergies of the season, but I have noticed some difference in that area of our marraige too.
It is good to hear that this is pretty normal and that it will pass with time and it's good to hear it from someone who has been in those shoes.
Yep, I'm hanging in here. No doubt about that.
Thanks for the encouragement.
IP
An excellent question, may I add.
Since I ended my affair, I have also changed in this respect. My dress code has always been casual at work, but during our affair, I made sure I looked *HOT* every day. It's all part of the *seduction*. It all factors into the allurement where we want this man to drool over us. It's all part of that twisted fantasy we had fallen in to. Because we never knew when this *player* would find a few minutes to spend with us, we had to be primed 24/7, so to speak. Know what I mean? It was all about *HIM*. It was all about *PLEASING*. In hindsight, it was pretty pathetic.
Yes, now I am back to jeans, T-shirts, slacks, (not so low V-necks) and to tell you the truth, I don't miss dressing up one iota. And no, I don't think it's withdrawal or depression, I think it's called *acceptance of oneself* and realizing what idiots we were.
If you like to dress up and look nice, just make sure you are doing for yourself. No one else matters,OK?
To be honest, even as blah and humdrum as I dress now, my XMM still compliments me once in a while, (i.e. "those jeans look good on you").I completely ignore him,(part of the bargain I made to myself), and it makes me realize that I should never have strayed from being "True_2_Myself."
Just remember, WE have changed. WE are moving on in our head and heart. WE have successfully climbed out of the sewage drain even if these slimeballs haven't. But then again, did they ever really understand their slimeyness? Hah!
~True~
I have been feeling the same way lately I noticed. I went shopping the other day with my daughter and had no interest in buying new clothes, whereas before I loved buying at least a new top for my lunches with my MM. Also, the underwear. I had bought tons of sexy thongs to wear, now I just don't feel like putting them on. I went to lunch with my H the other day and only jumped in the shower and chose whatever clothes didnt' need to be ironed. With my MM I would have a bath, do my hair, makeup to a "t" the whole works. I told myself the next time I go to lunch with my H then I need to go through that same amount of effort for him.
JB
Oh, it is so reassuring to hear that I'm not the only one who has done these things. I have spent lots of money on new sexy underwaar, bought the low cut tops for those special lunches, worn the fragrance he seems to respond too best, probably ruined my feet wearing heels that were too high. LOL.
JB, have you read True's posting about Fantasy verses Reality. It is excellent, and this appearance thing is part of it too. It was like getting ready for a date every monring when I was dressing for work, and on the days I knew he wouldn't be there, then I would wear the comfortable clothes and sensible shoes. God, how pathetic I was. I sure didn't see him making such efforts to impress or intice me.
I have thought about the clothing issue quite a bit and yes, JB, do try all those nice things for your next lunch with your H. It's fun, and mine seems to respond to it well. Plus, I enjoy it. It makes me feel good. I get a lot of vacation days at my job because I have been there forever, so occasionally, I will take a day off, pamper myself, cook a special dinner for us, dress up with all the nice trimmings, and he definitely seems to appreciate it. I don't do it too often, don't want the novelty to wear off, but it is fun.
Free indicated in her reply to my question that sex with H may also become a bit boring during this adjustment time. I have kind of noticed this feeling too, but attributed it maybe to stressful things going on in our lives right now. However, it's good to know that this could be an issue and good to know that it can be worked through and will get better.
I have centered so much of my thoughts and actions around X and around the A for so long, I am having to make a real adjustment finding other things to focus on within my life. It is working though, it truly is. I feel a little stronger and more like myself each day and I like it. I like it a lot.
Stay strong, everyone.
IP
Yesterday and today I just pigged out as well. I just started my period today - so now I know why. I don't want my weight to go up because of this but I can see how it could.
It feels good to be more relaxed, doesn't it?