Wondering what i should make of this???

Avatar for kassieree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Wondering what i should make of this???
12
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 9:05am
Just a quick recap for those not familiar with my story. MM moved away 4 mths ago without even saying goodbye. I saw him 4 days before he left when we had brief IC for the first time. I was also supposed to see him the day he left but plans changed last minute. I got a message that morning saying he wasn't alone but only after i sent him one to find out what was happening, as he hadn't been in touch like he said he would be. I've sent many messages to his mobile phone & tried to send email but his email sddress is no longer valid. I haven't heard from him at all since he left despite all those attempts by me with the messages.

Until today. The 23rd October he left. So today i received a message saying 'i miss you but can't go back to where i was. it hurts too much. xxx'

My problem is this. He sent the message to an old pre-pay account i used to have for my son. I sent a message to him from this account around xmas as i was curious if he was ever getting my messages & this particular account gives you notification when messages are received by the other party. The message i sent back then wasn't about anything to do with us & i figured he would just think it was accidently sent to the wrong number when he didn't recognise who it was coming from. I sent another message from the same phone the other day as I was curious if his phone was still connected. Again it wasn't a message about us, in fact it waz just a cute picture type message i had received from someone else. On both occasions it took 2 days for the messages to go through but it confirmed that he would've almost definately got all the messages i'd previously sent from my own phone & yet he chose to ignore them. So today when i finally received that message from him I was totally shocked after hearing nothing for 4 months & then when i did it was on that phone. He had no reason to connect me to that number & also shouldn't have been able to find out from the phone company who owned the number due to privacy laws.

So now i am wondering. Could he be fishing to see who it belongs to? To see if i would reply with something that would confirm its me? Or if he has managed somehow to find out that it is me, why not just ignore it like all my other messages? The one's he knows for sure are from me. And of course i also wonder is he testing the waters to see what sort of response he would get if he asked to call me again or even see me again after so long without any word at all from him? All i ever wanted was something to indicate what he's been thinking. The last time i saw him he made me promise that if i had any problems with guilt over crossing the line that i would talk to him & yet if his reason for leaving without even saying goodbye was because it hurts then he should've talked to me. We even talked about seeing each other between him leaving & xmas as he was relocating temporarily only 2.5 hrs away & we arranged a meeting point half way. He was to eventually relocate 5 hrs away which would make it much more difficult to meet. I feel like maybe he hasn't made that final move yet as his phone still doesn't work when i try to call & when he makes the final move it should.

Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

P.S. I've sent a couple of messages since his came through but they haven't been received by his phone yet. I know i probably should have just ignored the message but if he is fishing he would think i was just ignoring him cause he ignored me & my intention all along was to let him think that he'd received those messages by mistake at the same time as finding out if he was receiving messages. I feel totally stupid now cause i thought if he did say something back it would just be something like 'do i know you?' which is one of the replies i sent back today. The other one said 'if i knew who you were maybe i would miss you too :-)'

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Avatar for kassieree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 10:32am
You know all i ever really wanted was the chance to say to MM.. goodbye & thanks for some good times. Because for us it was never about forever, even though he did say friends forever no matter what.

I know i'm not the only one going through this & i think i got off pretty lightly compared to some of the stories on here & reading through all the posts makes me thankful that my experience wasn't as bad as it maybe could have been. It just upsets me to think that it didn't have to be the way it was.

My H went away for the weekend with our DS to do some things for his sister on her property she recently bought & my DD & I spent the night with a friend of mine & her DD who we don't get to see very often these days. And the weather here as been fabulous all weekend too so all round i've had a very nice weekend. But a lot of that was also because what i did in sending that msg to him & then getting the response i did was to realise exactly where i stood. I feel now i have the closure i wanted. Or at least as much as i'm going to get. I believe he sent that msg back because he was fishing because if he really knew it was me why not just ignore it like all the others.

Next weekend H & i are taking a holiday together to the other side of Australia. We live on the east coast & we are flying to the west coast as we've never been to that part of the country. We will watch the sunrise over the ocean in the morning & then watch it set over the ocean in the afternoon. Being on the east coast we can only watch the sunset over the mountains, not the ocean. This was my xmas present from H. We'll be away for about 5 days. Away from the stress of working & working together & the chance to spend some quality time together instead of work always getting in the way.

I have a wonderful H & marriage but we've been through some pretty tough times over the years & made some bad business decisions which haven't helped things. A lot of those decisions were made by H & i just went along as i feel like i do too often. I feel at times like everything i've ever done since we married has been because it was expected of me. We had an employee causing a lot of trouble between us around the time i met MM & i think that contributed a lot to me taking things further with him. Also nearly 6 yrs ago i lost my sister & best friend at just 36 to cancer. H & i are sorting through the problems & i know we will come out on top of it all. But above all he loves & adores me & that just makes me angry at myself for allowing this whole thing to happen. H knows about MM but thinks we were just friends & I defended that friendship to H but for what? For MM to trivialise the whole thing by not even saying goodbye. Or i've changed my mind. I wanted to believe for a long time that maybe things had just gotten so hectic for him the he'd be in touch one day & say sorry he'd been so rude but things took a while to settle down after the move. But i guess that won't be happening now.

But it also doesn't matter anymore cause i'm moving on. I will continue to read the posts on here as they have also been my saving grace & i also know that i will still have my bad days from time to time but this whole experience has taught me a huge lesson. And i think the biggest lesson i learnt was to go with my 'gut instinct'.

HUGS to you both.

Kass

Avatar for kassieree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 11:29am
just a quick update to let you know that i was right. He was simply fishing. I got a msg today asking 'who is this?'

After a couple of msgs back & forth i managed to put him off the track & the last msg was from him saying 'but you sent me 1 last week. cya. xxx' which i decided to just ignore. As i said i'm moving on because i have my confirmation that he chose to ignore me because he almost certainly got all my msgs or at least a very good majority. That's just something i needed. As i said to get the closest thing to closure that i'm ever going to get. And in time i'm sure i'll wonder why i even got involved in the first place. Anyway i'm heading away for a lovely holiday with DH & may not get a chance to check back in before we go.

Take care

Kass

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