Words of Encouragement

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Words of Encouragement
5
Sat, 06-09-2012 - 2:31pm

I haven't started my own post in awhile, but I am here everyday and I know there are quite a few new enders and I see their struggles and know their pain. I had tried to end my A many times and slipped back in many times only to get less and feel worse. I have been known to curl up on the bathroom floor and cry at the initial pain of ending, I have spent hours obsessing and ruminating. Hours getting angry and frustrated. I havebeen riddled with anxiety more than I care to mention. I have wasted an awful lot of time over two years. I have also spent hours reading eas and baggage reclaim and PMing some dear friends here....that time is not wasted and I will be eternally grateful to this board.

18 months ago my H and I were doing a complete remodel of our home. This was a project ten years in the making. Ten years of saving, ten years of planning. I was in the throes of my A when the project finally began. I did not enjoy one moment of my ten year dream coming to fruition. I saw all my Hs short comings. I was focused on x. I kept wondering if I would be getting a divorce and never living in this house that was finally coming together. I couldn't enjoy anything in my RL. 

This weekend my H and I are doing some landscaping work to pretty up our backyard. I am not riddled with anxiety wondering what x may or may not be doing. I am not running into the house pretending to go the bathroom so I can text him or check to see if x has texted me. I caught myself standing in the yard smiling about something so simple as mulch. Mulch people! I couldn't find happiness in building a brand new home 18 months ago yet today mulch is making me smile. I have only very very recently turned this corner. I am "hopeful" that it is a sign of things to come. 

I guess my point is this. Keep the faith. Hang in there. At some point we can all reach some peace. That anxiety doesn't have to be a constant in our life. That we do not need to fear that our lives are now suddenly boring without the highs of the A or that we can never be happy without x.....that is all the fog my friends. I never thought I would see the day that I could be in my backyard with my H and feel a rush of happiness over mulching....I even remember asking my x early on in the A if we would ever be happy again because I felt like I never would except for in our stolen moments together...well yes we can be happy again.

Hopeful

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 12:02am

Mulch people?  Who are these mulch people?  :smileyvery-happy:

I'd loved reading this post.  We can never read enough from those who arrive at the realization that their happiness was never really any further away than their own backyard, 

As Dorothy said:  

 
“If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.”   
((hugs))
Clarity

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 12:26am
Now this is an incredibly encouraging post!!! I am so happy for you, Hopeful. I bet that mulch looks splendid. And those little things...mean SO much.
((((HUGS))))

Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 11:13am

Loved your post Hopeful and I so needed to read something positive today. Enjoy every minute, every second and I hope the fruits of your labour (in the yard) grow healthy and strong, just as you have. Hope you are having a lovely Sunday

Sunny X

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2012
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 3:22pm

Hi, Hopeful

WoW!  What a corner you've turned in this journey.  As a new ender, I find inspiraiton in you and your journey, albeit one paved with lots and lots of pain, and an incredible amount of introspection.

Your posts to me in my struggle have been invaluable.  I hope you continue on the board with your insight and perspective for those of us reading ourselves for that bend in the road where you have so delightfully arrived.

May you be blessed along your path:smileyhappy:

SSB~Sandy 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Sun, 06-10-2012 - 4:16pm
(((((Hopeful)))))))

:smileyhappy: