words of encouragement needed

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
words of encouragement needed
2
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 7:16am

Well, as most of you know, my mm and i broke up three months ago, he decided to move 1000 miles away with his wife. He was truly fence-sitting this whole time of course, trying to be friends, then FWB, throwing me a surprise party, calling and im'ing and coming by over, and over, never giving me a moments peace. i pulled away more and more as the moving timeline approached. to no avail. He has only so far given me three days ever of NC. Although i ignore him often when he tries to reach me. The times he has engaged me, he has a way of befriending me and getting information out of me about the new man i am seeing. Then he twists it and berates me adn says THAT is the reason he can't leave, becuase i did XYZ with new guy. i am now seeing him for the person he is. i remember when we first split and i suggested i was going to weight watchers. He didn't want me to, as i was just getting thinner to find a new man. He hit me once, he would check my email and buddy lists all the time. And yesterday, he tormented me for hours. He went into detail and detail about how he adn his wife had sex for the first time in a year (i know the year part is true) and how he doesn't need me and horrible things about what a slut i am (well that part has happened before) and then he threatened if i don't talk to him he'll come over and do this and that and he'll do it front of my daughter cuz that would be "cool". Yes, this is the watered down version. Yes, he's moving in a week, and i know he's jsut desperate now.

i am just so heartbroken, i ddidn't do ANYTHING wrong. i found new guy after he had decided to leave me for the w, as a matter of fact, he was gone househunting with her that weekend. i did nothing until he prnounced his "decisions" and *i* am single!! So is new guy!! How could he love me so much and do this? Threaten? be mean? Be EVIL? Why does he have to destroy every shred of good thing we had? He managed to be nice to me twice last week, and i explained i thought we could do friendship after he was gnoe and he had settled down...my ex h was the same why. Why do they turn abusive, nasty and awful? why, why, why......

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 7:35am

Jen,


This man (?) is showing his true colors. He has a very evil, dark side and now that he's lost you, they are coming to the forefront. Some men (NPD's <------ google what a narcissist is) can't bear losing control over the object of their affection. Notice I said object, not subject. He only sees you as a lost possession.


Lord, find relief in knowing this animal is leaving. He also sounds dangerous. Once he is out of your life, you will be able to breathe clean air again. I hope you are OK, as I would be quite unnerved after such displays of disrespect and anger.


No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's all about your XMM, and how he can't handle being replaced even though he has a family of his own. He is selfish and manipulative....and I wouldn't trust him any farther than I could throw him. Please keep him away from you and your daughter at all costs. I know this is difficult because you still have feelings for him, but honey, he is poison with a capital "P".


Once he's gone, you will can start rebuilding your life and look forward to real love and peace of mind.


Sunny
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 9:07am

Aw Jen, this guy didn't "turn" that way. In your post you say he'd done these things to you before. He's abusive. Good riddance to him and good luck with his wife 1,000 miles away from you. You deserve better.

I know when we decide it needs to end, it's nicer to walk away with the whole thing wrapped up in a tidy little box with a ribbon and put it on a shelf, but he's not letting you do that. Hopefully, his lack of character will make it that much easier to forget him and move forward with your life.

If your ex-H was also abusive and nasty, though, you might want to take a look at why you gravitate toward, or attract, these type of men. I'm not suggesting it's your fault that you wind up with abusive men, but you want to make sure that you're not overlooking something that will cause you pain again in the future.

Hang in there, and let this creep go. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10