Words vs Action n Feeling Good 4 a chang
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| Tue, 12-22-2009 - 6:11pm |
I originally posted this under Caribou's last thread....but I wanted to start it on my own and hope to spread the some positive thoughts. I am almost 3 weeks NC...for those that do not know.
Clarity, Caribou, Victory.
I too have struggled. MY exAP told me so many, mnay, things. Before I knew he was married he wanted to marry me, said he was looking for rings. Said he wanted to have kids.....so we stopped protecting ourselves. I was ready to have this man's baby. He had me that convinced. Fast forward my D-day. the Day I found out (he never told me) of a baby he had just had, and that he was already married....and then days later, I found out I was pregnant. All those little fairy tale saying went out the window.
Of course he did not want the baby. and he could not marry me, he was already married
So lets go post after I knew....OH, the woeful stories contd.....wait for me, I will leave her. We just had a baby. Get rid of the baby now but we will have n start a family later. I will be with you. I just do not know how. I am worried, she has postpartum. Just wait 6 months. the baby will be older, and she walks around the house so sad...and i will come with you...and I will leave her, just give me some time....
words..words...words....words. Thanksgiving, was enough, I was pregnant and I got a txt early morning. Saying happy thanksgiving....I love you, wish I was with you....Again, WORDS!!!
His actions....that is what i had to finally see. OH he stayed with me a few nights for a week straight. I thought he had left her....I thought I had won the prize. He was mine....I had won....WRONG!! he needed somewhere to stay since he and she had gotten into a fight and he went on and on that he was leaving her because he caught her having long phone calls with some guys by looking at their bill....he was mad at her for phone calls, but he had me....a 5 month relationship and pregnant......but he was mad at her over some phone calls and was leaving her now....
actions...i actually put him out just after my appt and told him to never contact me again, he has not except some nasty emails saying i was pathetic....he never called or txt or emailed to see if i was ok, never, check on me, never looked back, and still has not
Now those are actions......they speak loud. This man was relieved to be rid of me and the baby he supposedly had wanted.
Those were actions....he would tell me over and over and over I LOVE U....even when I out him out. he said it, said he always would....days later, I was a crazy psycho pathetic B......
told W that
told new OW that
told friends that
I was still recovering from my appt.
and this man was dogging me out like I had robbed him of something.....
those were words too....but they were his actions, he threw me under the bus so fast, as soon as I was no longer of any use to him. It was that quick. Over that easily.
Those actions have kept me in NC
It hurts. I wonder just like victory said, was it real, hell i i did not know i was in a A, was it real? I just try to skirt it off....and realize I may never know the answer
but more importantly....DOES IT MATTER?
he is still married? still not going to leave her? still lied? and still would do the same to me if He ever left her....so those words all those words....were just that. WORDS.
Action....now thats what he is doing now. and I am believing that and that keeps me going.
Even his insults motivate me. Last nasty email said I was pathetic.....at first that hurt....
and I realize he was right and I had to take note and say, yep, If i continue to allow this man to be a part of my life even in the slightest I would be pathetic, I would be everything he says.
I am not pathetic, I am beautiful inside and out. I am smart, I am worth more than he could ever give me. He never even deserved to touch me let alone know me. He was unworthy of anything I every bestowed upon him.
This is his loss.....he will never have a chance at a women like myself, a women of my caliber and esteem....n if he does he has to lie to them and tell them he is single...How lame is that? Who is the pathetic one? U have to lie to get a women like me to even date you....
I sound angry, but I am not. I am just really tired I being weak and pathetic as he put it, I have wanted to call him to find out this or that....I have wanted him to contact me for an ego stroke
A feel good.....but F all that. I can stroke my own ego. He does not validate me or make me whole. I have to take that back.
I may feel weak tomorrow but today I really believe I can lick this and make him just a small chapter in my life....and a new one begins......I am just hope this attitude of mine is infectious to the rest of the newbies and and stay with me too....
Please continue to encourage me
Sorry if I hijacked your thread Caribou.....I just feel like we are all better than this.....today anyway.

Sienna,
I read your post on the other thread and thought is was wonderful!
Edited 1/3/2010 3:35 pm ET by classy01
I read this under my thread and this is really a good comparison you've shown. Btw dont worry about hijacking my threads. I dont look at it that way at all. Just like that song says "Say what you need to Say" lol
When I