work ethic

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
work ethic
10
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 9:41am

For all you ladies who work with xAP and are in LC, I need some advice about work ethics.
I'm in the music industry. xAP is in a popular band. His management company contacted me yesterday promoting the band's new release that is coming soon. Should I treat this situation like any other situation and do what I would normally do, as if there were no personal, negative and stressful connection to xAP, or do I decline involvement? There is no other reason for me to decline besides the icky feelings and triggers that will surface if I am involved. I'd like to pretend xAP fell off the face of the earth. Is it unethical for me to discriminate against this project based on my personal connection with xAP? All communication re: this would be professional and would not directly involve xAP.

I guess I'm looking for permission to decline -- although my gut is telling me to do otherwise. I hope that soon my gut and I will have a better relationship, but right now I don't trust it. My gut was a big fat liar for a long time, Mfin' Gut!

Thanks,
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 9:51am

I know how you feel Dee. I am in a similar position. I think you should treat it as you would any other situation. I know it's hard. I have had to do it the past few days with my xap. Be the bigger person- don't let it affect your job- and just get through it. You can do it.

I certainly thought about pulling the plug on my business relations with xap, but that would be very unprofessional. He is the best at what he does and I cannot deny him work because of what happened between us. I am already embarrassed enough by my behavior.

Ultimately, you have to do what you have to do, but I vowed to myself that xap would NEVER affect my work productivity again- and that means that sometimes I have to work with him.

Jane

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 9:55am

< There is no other reason for me to decline besides the icky feelings and triggers that will surface if I am involved >

I think you answered your own question here Dee. I know all about triggers and they are painful as you also know all too well. If this particular project isn't something that will make or break your career, I say forget about it! You know yourself better than any of us and if it's going to trigger all of those sad, icky feelings then why put yourself through it???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 10:07am

Hey Dee -


Tough situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 3:38pm

Seriously Dee, I wish I knew how to answer this for you, but I don't. I can see both sides of this sticky situation and I would have said "Go for it" and do your job, but then you threw me when you said it would bring up icky feelings and triggers, thus telling me that you aren't ready yet to do this.


True, I had no choice in the matter but to continue working with Xmm if I wanted to eat and pay my mortgage. I think what propelled me the most to get out of bed and come into work was my "work ethic"

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 4:04pm

Iddy,

I listened to the advance release this morning. I guess the cat is out of the bag, trigger-wise. Track after track of knives to my heart. I feel like I have been catapulted back to around week two of NC at this moment. The 1st single.... me. about me. about us. Can someone, anyone, please please just fn shoot me?? I have not cried over xAP or the A in, like, forever... but, right now, I am as raw and weepy as if the break up were yesterday. I really thought I was stronger than this. I'm disappointed. My girlfriend/confidant told me to keep perspective -- after all, this is like a trigger on testosterone x 1,000,000,000.

On the bright side, it was easy for me to say for professional reasons that I don't think a collaboration between this project and my company is possible. Thank GOD.

I have not been able to throw the CD away, though. I have kept myself from listening again, but I can't throw it away yet. F*CK!!!!

I'm going to meditate over my lunch hour, then I'm off to the Dr.
I am going to practice ALL my EAS skills: positive self-talk, diversion, journaling, refocus of thoughts. Wish me luck.

Thanks for being there for me, Iddy. (And all!!)
xo
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 4:41pm

Dee~

Sending you lots of hugs and strength right now. Either way you handled this was the right way as long as it was right for you. Reading your posts I can see the wonderful woman that you are, and you have to know that by now too. I'm sorry for the horrible triggers, but I hope you can find the strength to throw away that CD. Listening to it again will not help you in any way shape or form.

It may feel like you are back at the beginning, but if you need a reminder how strong and how far you have come, go back and read your first couple of posts.

~bbear

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 7:42pm

Hi Ms. Dee-vine,


Hugs for your emo day. I didn’t chime in earlier because like the other posters I was torn on the subject as to what would be best.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 9:13pm
Ah, E1--
Luckily I didn't have to make the decision based on personal feelings, because on that, I am still torn.
The CD - it is nothing but pain. I just need to sit with it for a bit, though. There is a reason for it; I just don't know how to express it right now.
I no long have a bad angel, just two good angels who can't always agree and bitch and moan incessantly!!
xoxo
Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: deeulta
Thu, 03-04-2010 - 9:27pm

HA! I’m glad the bad angle got voted off scapula island or maybe just got saved and reborn into a new good angle. Either way watch out! When females hang that close they start cycling at the same time, and then you’re really in for it.


Much love,


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
In reply to: deeulta
Fri, 03-05-2010 - 3:54pm

I can't imagine what a painful experience

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3