Work Situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
Work Situation
2
Mon, 01-07-2013 - 4:21pm

Me again! I know you are all probably sick to death of me, but seems every time I post I move on a little bit further. Guess what?? I LOVE NC, haven't spoken to xap this year, I have seen him at work, yes in my office but I have so far been able to not speak to him directly.But its sooooo much hard work, avoiding him. I have just taken 4 days off and it's been great, I am starting to reconnect with DH, I still seem to have xap on my mind but it doesn't hurt so much. Last night DH and I went out for a romantic dinner, we were sitting alfresco when next thing xap and his wife walk past!!! DH says hey there's "x" why don't you invite them over for a drink?? I pretend to squint in all directions saying where, where?? And by then they were gone. But WTH?? 1.4million people in this city and we find ourselves in the same place at the same time!! Anyway that's not my concern, it's at work, we are a small team, and it's so tiring avoiding him all day, he has a special work dinner for long service coming up, I know I won't be on the guest list and its the humiliation of not being invited, xap and I have worked together the longest and everyone knows how good of mates we are (were), I am just going to be so embarrassed when everyone realises I am not invited. How do I get past these feelings of not being included anymore?? And what do i tell people when they ask why i am not going?? If I just never had to see him again or go back to work it would be so much easier. So...should i attempt to make some kind of peace for the sake of my working life, because at the moment work is making me physically ill??Ps. I missed out of the other job Pensive face they went with an internal applicant.


Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: Tily6
Mon, 01-07-2013 - 6:14pm

COL (that's chuckle out loud)...we are not sick to death of you.  We tell everyone to post a lot, don't we ?  And even if we thought someone was posting too much, we'd never say anything...hahLaughing

I'm copy and paste all your questions here...you had a lot...don't want to miss one.

But WTH?? I know!!!

How do I get past these feelings of not being included anymore??  Not sure you can.  Again with the consequences...now excluded from office get togethers.  That must hurt, but I guess it has to be that way...maybe it'll just be awhile...while you both settle into your ending and fine your comfort zones in the workplace.

And what do i tell people when they ask why i am not going??  That you have a previous engagement.  I'll guess you'll have to come up with a few excuses to back out as things arise.  That craftiness you honed to keep your affair afloat, can now be used for good.  

If I just never had to see him again or go back to work it would be so much easier. So...should i attempt to make some kind of peace for the sake of my working life, because at the moment work is making me physically ill?  No more communication.  You keep asking about this.  If you are, as I mentioned, being polite and civil and remaining businesslike and professional, there's no need to make any kind of peace...the workplace IS at peace.  You just need to work at finding your inner peace with all of this for your own wellbeing.

((hugs))

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: Tily6
Mon, 01-07-2013 - 7:15pm

  Yes it will be strange.  But had everyone obeyed proper etiquette then the weirdness would have been avoided.  There are time when NC is not truly appropriate.  Because in many of these "affairs" bring in projections of a fantasy life with expectations of a new reality they are more difficult than merely "hooking up". 

     Now the lack of understanding before hand is causing trouble.  Perhaps an offer of peace and silence is in order.  If you think for a minute the new behavior has not been noticed at work you are mistaken.  There are no easy solutions.  What if you are invited?  Then go. 

dragowoman