Off work still sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Off work still sad
4
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 4:29pm
Some questions is there a place where everyones stories are? So I made it through another day today was harder then the previous two I was kinda mad I had to work but turns out it was probably the best thing for me I cried all the way there then had to deal with the public so there wasn't time to cry...

Going to keep this all in one post I had a couple going thanks for the answers about h I will work on me first I will say though h and I were fine until xap showed back up.... If you read my story xap and I have gone back and forth for 20+ yrs this most recent has been 5+ straight.... I dont think it was a m problem I think in therapy I'm going to discover it was me.... I just wish like hell I could just have all my feelings back for h that would make it so easy.

I want to get more into my story see about three weeks ago I went to see a hypnotist I was desperate to find something anything to help me did it help idk I asked him to make me see xap for who he really is I asked to make it that I feel guilt and take my vows serious....i actually begged him to make me hate xap.... My friend told me today she thinks it worked some from the way I sound. Wish I knew I will say seeing him prompted me to google which led me here so maybe with that being said I booked a fresh up appt for sat can't hurt right?
My t appt isn't until the 27th I wish it were now but nothing I can do with that....i seem to have developed a stress eating issue as since things have been bad for the last few months I've put on a bunch of weight which is also making me very unhappy but it's almost like I've lost my control when it comes to food.. Let me give you some background I've always had to be good or I tend to gain when I got pg with my youngest I gained almost 100 I worked very hard for over a year to get that off and got down to a size 4-6 I am now pushing a 10 and while this is a perfectly acceptable size to be I am not happy/comfortable here yet the more miserable I become the worse it's getting ugggg. Any thoughts?
Well if you made it this far thanks that was alot lol.... I can say that I'm not feeling so blue now .
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 8:11pm
I have been following yur story all week as I called in sick for a few days to try and deal with ending my A with a total fen jerk. Self absorbed pri ck. So I read this board all day long and I luv it also. All I can tell u is time will make it better. May take weeks and months but it gets easier. I had 9 weeks nc then got back with jerk face and ended it again and am only at a few weeks nc now and trying real hard not to send s good blast his way via email. I need a hypnotist myself to hate that dum ass mean a hole. And to make me try harder in my m. So I don't know what else to tell u except we r all here to help and to vent too. I used to post alot and then when selfish mean jerk off and I got bak on I posted telling everyone that we were bak on and I guess I gloated and rubbed it in too much and I was told off big time by a few members so I apologized and now I just lurk. So a word of great advise to u is do not make up with him. U will only b bak to starting yur nc ticker again like I had too. Had I not made up with the cocky s o b I would b at 4 frikkin months of nc. It's not worth it. Send me private message if u want and mayb we can exchange phone numbers in case u need to talk instead of type. I have one frd who I vent to daily but it doesn't hurt to have more. I can tell u really need to talk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 8:57pm
LFH sorry for the Hi-jack but I got to do this!

DD! Hello! So glad you are still here. I have been shouting out and looking for you wondering how you are doing. And while I am so glad that you are still here lurking and reading, please continue to post in every once in a while! I am so glad to hear that you are still NC. And while I can see by your post that right now it is being maintained through anger at xap, eventually you will need to focus on YOUR actions, what led you to do all the things that you could use the same explitives to explain. KWIM? And while i am glad that you have off board support, please know that even those of us that were harsh are happy that you are around and working hard to end your A and get your life back.

Take care and be well! Keep up the good work and eventually the hurts will fade.

peace, light & hope
Foggy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Thu, 02-17-2011 - 10:19pm
Sorry to about the hi-jack
DD...Ive been wondering about you too. I was going to send a message this wkend to you. Im glad you are back NC and still lurking. Send me a message sometime.
MC


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2010
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 1:16am
Well hello ladies. I have been around believe me. Thanks for the warm welcome. I hope u too r doing wonderful. I had some contact with Xap and he was very mean. A total nasty nasty man so that is where the bitterness is coming from. Did not c him in person just so u know, was all via text messaging. I called cell phone provider and they said u can only block a number from calling yur phone but not texting so that does me no good cuz he never calls. He only texts. Damn. Well I will b posting more I think cuz I feel I have some good advice at times. Have a great nite or morning everyone.