working on the marriage
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| Mon, 11-09-2009 - 8:06am |
I'm very sad today. Maybe some of you can relate. I'm trying so hard to work on my marriage. The problem is for me, its a one way street. H knows I had an EA, he knows I want to be closer to him. But he isn't willing to go to Therapy, read a book or change at all. Its me that has to change, he think he's perfect. He has always put me last behind work, guy friends, sports, etc. I'm there to take care of him. Really what the EA gave me was a best friend, though I know it was too close. But truthfully, I don't think my H wants me as a best friend cause really we are so different. He's the greatest guy but we are so different. So here we are fighting, he is always so critical of me. The pattern is the same, as before the EA and I'm so lonely and unhappy. I don't want a divorce, at least not yet but I have no idea what to do. Maybe he doesn't love me. Maybe he just loves the 'life'. We have teenagers which also cause some stress in parenting. I have this huge hole that I don't know how to fill.
Help!

Jocelyn,
Hold on! Some of the posters here will get to you soon, I'm sure, with some excellent words of wisdom. I'm a newbie, and pretty much just plugging along, but one thing I've really embraced so far is that I need to work on ME and that my marriage will become what it will, healed or broken, but at least I will know that I put my whole self into the effort. In the end, no matter what the result of your marriage, you will always have YOURSELF.
I am not struggling with the aftermath of a D-day, and I cannot comprehend how incredibly difficult that must be for you and your H, but I DO have a troubled marriage (I guess almost everybody on this site can say _that_!) - I know that it takes two to heal a marriage but you cannot force your H to participate. All you can do is get therapy for yourself, work on your own issues, and the pieces of your life will fall into place they way they are intended. I hope and pray you get what you want.
Love and peace.
Dee
I have a friend going through the same thing with her husband.