working on my marriage after the affair
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working on my marriage after the affair
| Thu, 10-28-2004 - 12:39pm |
I ended things with the ow forever, I hope. Sometimes I hate to even say that. Forever!I will miss her so much. I still have very strong feelings for the ow. I am still very emotional and miss her so much it hurts. Yet, I have told my wife I will work on things with her. She is attractive, nice and has been good to me given my A. She is still there by my side. I still love her in some way but not like I love the ow. We are going to individual counseling and couples counseling. I use to love her and never thought I would ever have an affair. I became extremely attached to the ow and feel like I love her more than I have loved anyone. The reason we ended the A is because it was getting to complicated. She wanted to marry at some point and so did I. Meshing families was going to be tough, so was dealing with ex's.
MY question is: Should I be working on things with my wife now or should I make sure I'm over the ow before we start? My heart is still with the ow.
MY question is: Should I be working on things with my wife now or should I make sure I'm over the ow before we start? My heart is still with the ow.

Because after a while your feelings may change you may realize that you only felt all those emotions towards the OW because she wasn't your wife and she was able to fill the voids in your marriage at that given time. Its a long road to recovery but finalizing things is definitely leading you on the right foot. Just be strong.
Emotion
Wow, do I know what you are going through. But don't wait for the hurt to stop before you try to start healing your M. You'll be waiting a very long time. My A has been over for almost 3 months and XOM still has my heart. I still miss him terribly. But life MUST go on. I tell myself everyday how lucky I am to have my H - somedays, I have to FORCE myself to believe it, but I know it's true. The pain and heartache will still be there for a long time to come - accept that now, but know that you are doing the right thing and you will eventually move past it. It does get easier....
Diva
Don't look at the "forever" aspect right now, just take things one day at a time. And yes, ABSOLUTELY get to work on your marriage RIGHT AWAY! It will *help* you get over the OW!!!!
"MY question is: Should I be working on things with my wife now or should I make sure I'm over the ow before we start? My heart is still with the ow."
Gee, let's see now, candy coated response or reality check?
Candy coated response:
"Aw, it's ok. You'll be OK. Yes, it hurts. That will go away eventually. Sniff, sniff....."
Reality check:
It's your life. And it's up to you to make a choice and FOLLOW THROUGH. And accept the consequences of your choice. DO you love your wife enough to stay and fix your marriage? It's a yes or no question. Not "gee what if I can string along my GF and my wife some more?" type question.
THe only person in your skin and head is you. Not us. Look in the mirror and talk to yourself and stick to whatever decision you come up with. One of the women is going to be on the outs. You made the triangle. Now you break up the triangle. Put your heart in a drawer and think with your big head. THink through what you have had with your wife and whether it's worth saving. You already know your answer so stop asking people who haven't a clue about your day to day life what you should do. If what you have lived with your wife is worth keeping long term, then cut the OW loose with a good-bye kiss and see you in the next life exit. If what you lived with wife isn't worth it, then cut her loose and live on your own. Your wife deserves somebody's full time attention, even if it isn't yours........
Get moving. Time's awasting.....
cl-nre
P.S. In case you didn't read my prior posts to you, I lived on the fence for 17 years. Pretty damn selfish and cruel to do so, particularly to my ex-wife.......