working thru the junk
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working thru the junk
| Sat, 02-19-2011 - 9:05pm |
Critical anniversary weekend but I'm doing mostly fine. Hanging on to you all because I still need the support and affirmations. I get it and will not cave to my skewed emotional needines. I am being an internal cry baby just because of my own self doubts and desire for immediate gratification. He will not provide that for me and I will NOT debase myself by begging (disguised by flirting, of course). Frig, this is still difficult at times. My strength comes from you and my knowledge that he is not the key to my happiness. It is too easy to hang my feel goods on someone who met my desire through his own compromised behavior. I will no longer be a part of that. I am determined to live my life responsibly and honestly. Deep breath and still moving forward through the muck.

((((Always))))
This past weekend marks the anniversary of the feelings you experienced at that particular time, at that place, with that person. But that's all it was Always just feelings, there was nothing else to them. Remember there was no substance to those feelings, so these feelings are transitory in your life, and with time they will be long forgotten. It's amazes me what we did, how much we sacrificed, and what we risked all to experience those fleeting feelings.
You are a truly wonderful and special person Always, never forget that.
V888
xxxxx
Dear Always,
So sorry you are having a rough weekend.
No...not a critical anniversary, rather just another day. The critical anniversary is coming up on October 12, 2011! :)
I understand your unease, and am glad to hear you are doing ok...mostly. You have been on my mind the last few days and I am glad you feel the strength of all of us surrounding you and holding you up. Just as I mentioned in my post a bit ago when it was XAP's B-day and our 1st face to face meeting...what is more important than what happened a year ago is where you will be 1 year from now. Next year on this weekend, which as a realist I believe we will still remember, the closest memory will be how STRONG you were this year and how you made this weekend another just another day that you remained NC, and continued to give back to yourself, your H, and your family. I for one can't wait to celebrate that! :)
And yes, it is difficult some times...and will be for a while. Thank goodness those times continue to stretch further and further apart right?
Alwayst....I have to say this...
" It is too easy to hang my feel goods on someone who met my desire through his own compromised behavior."
.......is brilliant!
This was an amazing statement for me to read. I know we often are able to reflect on the fact that who WE were while in the A was by no means representitive of who we really ARE and strive to be. But, what you say is so true. Sure my XAP make me feel desired and wanted....but those desires were met through the comprimised behavior of another BROKEN person. I do not want to be desirable to a person like that...I want to be loved and desired for the real ME! WOW.... indeed we will no longer be part of that! HIGH FIVE!
Keep breathing...and with inhale feel the love of all of those (me included) that are so much better off because of TODAY"S choices...not those made a year ago by a totally different person. The muck is drying up my friend...but for now just reach down and tighten those boots!
Much love and respect. Sending out a line for you to hang too my dear friend.
peace, light & hope
Foggy
Dear friend- There is nothing I can tell you that you don't already know.
As a testament to you and how wonderful you are...just check out those times. All 4 of us were writing to you simultaneously! FEEL THAT CONNECTION! Man this place amazes me. Much love to you ALL!!
You are one of the women on this board who I admire the most - your integrity and goodness and commitment to your family shine through every post - and I have no doubt at all that you have the strength inside you to get through this weekend with your head held high.
Hugs and smiles
Kat.
This vet still needs comfort and affirmations. I do not care how long your out, we still need one another. We still need to hold ourselves accountable.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
I am once again humbled by your kind and supportive words. I think I have "Sally Field Syndrome" as it always surprises me to read how much you all "like" me. :smileyhappy:
I hope your weekend in the sun brought a renewed sense of strength! The south Sure was pretty this weekend!!!! I spent some delicious moments in the gorgeous weather myself and as I came in and read this morning - was so grateful for our boardies for being there for you! You are doing amazing and these little surge moments are temporary - thankfully! You CAN overcome. You CAN and WILL find solace! Love you girl!