the worst so far

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
the worst so far
16
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 10:51pm

hi all,

today was realy a bad day for me

i have NC with OW since Monday, today was going ok, i saw her in the hallway and i turned around before she saw me

anyways, i found out she went out with some co-workers from work , all men, she is the only female in the group and they went out to eat and drink, this are men that i know are like some men(not all) are also oppurtunistic in some way

im sure she is flirting with them, i am not able to grasp the idea why she would go out and have drinks when she told me in her email that she wants to be there for her daughter, going out and drinking and coming home late in not doing something for her daughter, when we were to gether she would always go home around 7pm coz she has to do her daugther assignment im mean help her, get her ready to bed

so why do she do this, its not consistent to what she told me, im am actually thinking that she is up to her old tricksa again, trying to find another man to replace me, its what im thinking now, i know i should not be thinking like this but i cant help it

i feel so bad right now like i was just being used by her ( i know it sounds strange coming from a man) but i have feelings also, and i am very hurt right now, i guess the rejection and the fact the she does not want me anymore is hard for me to swallow

if u look at me as a product , i would be the best choice for her, but i dont know why she would go out her way to do hurtful things to herself and her daughter

i am at a loss right now, im sure in a couple of weeks she will have another affair with somebody or maybe a fling or one nite stand, i feel so bad, i know she is not this type of person as i know her or i could be wrong

oh well, im sick to my stomach, im hungry but i dont feel like eating

why do i feel like this ????? for her

max
:(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 11:02pm

Max

I am off to bed shortly but I have to ask you have you ever considered that XMW is a serial cheater that she has been doing this for some time and that is way her marraige is a mess.
She wants to screw around she does not want a relationship leading to marriage, You because of your inclination to get emotionally attached are a bad risk for some one like her.

You got sucked in by a PLAYER Max, see her for what she is A HIGH RISK FOR A STD.

And trust me my son there are women around that can put any man to shame when it comes to using other people to meet there sick needs.

Eat something Max thats an order.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 11:05pm

Max,

I've read several of your posts; never really responded cause Free usually tells it to you straight but I can't tolerate the torture your putting yourself through.

Face it....she played you like a violin. She got what she wanted and told you what you wanted to hear in order to get out of a situation. You're the lovesick, sensitive guy who got caught up in a romantic idea. She's the power hungry, selfish, woman who would tell anyone anything to get what she wants. In this case, she fed you the daughter line figuring that your heart would understand that.

Time to find a new location cause you're jeopardizing your health & your well being. You need to get a grip on the reality that she "ain't all she's cracked up to be" and find yourself someone who's truly deserving of all of the love and emotional support you have to give.

Just my opinion of course. Take care. Keep us involved. We're here if you need us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 12:01am

hi hellsei,free,

i known her for about 4 yrs prior to the A, in those 4 yrs she never even went out with us , now we worked in another company she is suddenly going out with married men for drink and dinner in the guise as her co-team members just having a drink for happy hour

hellsie, maybe u are right, she fed me that daughter line to make me think,i been with her for about 1yr and a half , so far no STD's thank GOD

i am just puzzled, this is not the person i have known for about more than 5 yrs, maybe im over analizing it , i just feel rejected or used , i realy dont know why i am feeling like this, i was doing good for 2 days, now i feel crappy

i dont make sense to myself at all, its full of crap, too much, i am so tired just keeping myself conscious of not being close to her at work and having NC that at the end of the day im wiped out

i am actually looking for another job, OW also told me she is looking for anohter job, i am actually tempted to post her last email her to me, she said she never want to hurt me but she is actually making me feel so miserable

i am actually doing much better, im not crying, i just ate a big dinner, i dont want to send her email or text or leave her a voice mail anymore

i feel obsess with her up to now, this is wrong

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 1:12am

free,

i actually cooked some dinner and i stuffed myself, im so full now, just watching the news

her behavior is to strange to me, i have known her for more than 5 yrs total, in the first 4 yrs in which we were just plain friends/co-worker, i have never been out with her after work for drinks, nor did i know of her going out with other co-workers at work, this is the main reason why im a puzzled with her actions

anyways, im not feeling sad or depress at all, strange but i dont feel anything at all, i think this is good, but for some sick reason i still want to feel something, right now im not feeling anything, usually while i am posting here i feel yucly, palms sweaty and almost feeling like crying, tonite i did not feel any of this, i want to cry but i cannot anymore

this is all new to me, i feel like i dont care for her, but i know i do care still

thanks free, also to lissie, hopefully i am waking up slowly and seeing the real person in her, all along i was blinded or i refused to see OW for realy what she is, im still confused thou

anyways, ill watch Leno or Dave and them off to bed

thanks again,

ill update u all when i hear more crap, i mean news tomorrow, work gossip always go around about what people do or go after work, i dont know for some reason they dont know about me and OW thou

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 6:24am

<>

A strong defense mechanism has finally kicked in, Max. It's called "Indifference" and although it *IS* strange as you described it, it is a very good sign that you have had your fill of the pain. The strangeness is two-fold in that you do stop obsessing but with that *does* come that weird feeling of missing that obsession. A catch 22, so to speak. Dang, I can still remember how I felt when I went through this...it was uncomforatable, but I also felt such relief at the same time.

You are beginning the shutdown process where all the agony starts to purge itself out of your system. Don't be alarmed if suddenly you become irritated and angry over stupid every day stuff...another by-product of indifference. They are in kahootz with one another. For me, I went into full blown anger for a period of time, but caught myself before it turned to hate. I could never hate him (but I tried :) The truth is, the hate is really at ourselves but we displace it on others, but it wanes once you can forgive.

These are all stages of healing, so look at it as a good sign. Go with it, Max. Try not to fight missing the missing :) Your heart is telling you it's had enough, and is trying to heal itself.

Hugs,

Id




Edited 3/16/2005 9:02 am ET ET by id_diosyncrity

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 8:05am

Max,

Just checkin' in on ya this morning. Not sure where you live but it's a sunny day outside my window....hoping the sun will bring a smile to your face.

As ID says.. sounds like you've had just about enough sh*& pissing around with OW.

In her defense about her sudden interest in after work activities; seems like she's going through some big changes (crisis)and she's not being herself. She seems like she's shifting gears a little and needs to find herself. Again, something YOU will not be able to help her with. Like kids and fire! You can tell them it's hot so many times before you have to let them touch the flame to feel for themselves!

Hope you have a good day at work, I'll check in on ya later tonight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 8:52am
I'm not trying to stir sh*t up, but WHY is his XOW such a bi*ch? Because she wants to have her own life? Because she gets drinks w/ co-workers? I totally think that maybe she sounds a little callous, but what do you do if you end a relationship? You move on. We don't know if she is hurting or not. Just b/cause she doesn't want to be w/ Max doesn't mean she is a bad gal does it? Not everyone is a perfect match made in heaven. When a relationship ends both parties have to move on. And any excuses we may use to break up w/ someone are just excuses because we are all to chickensh*t to just come out and say
"I DON"T LIKE YOU ANYMORE!!! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU. I DON'T WANT TO SPEND ANYMORE TIME WITH YOU IN MY LIFE." But that is what she wants, whether it is cool or not. That doesn't make her any less of a caring person. And just because you go out and have cocktails w/ some male co-workers or female co-workers or the janitor doesn't mean you don't care about your child. (now if you go every night that is a little questionable) We all have choices of who we want to love. Sorry Max, you are a great guy that deserves a great woman and she is not that woman. Stop pining over her and thinking about what she is doing or not doing or why or why not she won't talk to you and let it go.
JMHO
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 9:05am

hi id,

maybe u are right, i even slept early last nite, was too tired

thanks,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 9:09am

hi hellsie,

i live on the west coast, san francisco bay area

i dont know why she goes out after work for drinks, she has done this since she moved to this company, she even doen this while we are still together, she went out and did not tell me or tried to hide it from me

maybe this is her way of coping or whatever

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 9:18am

kris,

im 39, 5'6", 135 lbs, i was in good shape, now i think im losing more weight

im looking for another job, OW also told me she is looking for another job, its hard to find job right now here in the silicon valley, competition is so much

ever since we had our A , she was realy never forthright withme when it comes to telling me the truth, i was on the "my affair" board b4 and Free can attest to it , OW just never would volunteer any info to me, she always will not tell me unless i ask, and she always told me if i cant take it then dont ask

i dont know, i was blinded by my emotions for sure that i accepted whatever she told me, she told me she was divorce but she was actually never been married, i found out from her friend

i feel so stupid right now, i feel like a fool, if my co-workers or another person would look at my situation im sure they would conclude that im stupid and did not see it coming

max
:(

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