The worst time of day

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
The worst time of day
12
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 5:33pm

is at the end of the day when he would call.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 5:46pm

Oh unbreakme....I am so sorry and I understand what you are feeling!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 5:55pm
Thanks so much, is love. I am so sad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 8:15pm

Hi unbreakme,

I know it's tough but you did the best thing for you. It's you who is important right now. If you can slowly move your thoughts away from him and put the focus on what you need to do to heal it will ease up the sadness you are feeling. With hard work on your part you will discover how you want to live your life and what is acceptable and not acceptable to you. I'm not sure if this will help or not but I started thinking of my ending as freeing myself from my past. I'm moving away from xap in my mind he isn't important to me any longer what's important is why I behaved the way I did and what steps I'm going to take to not repeat those actions. Believe in yourself and stay strong you are doing the right things by posting and seeing a T is also very benefical. Hugs to you:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 8:44pm

U Break Me

Sorry you are having a bad day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 10:51pm
Thanks Jen and MC...I know this has to be about me. The part I am struggling most with at the moment is how I had tried to be the one to cut all contact and he would convince me we should leave the door open every time. And then yesterday I am going about my life and he called to make his declaration that it was never going to work. Didn't care if it was a good time for me to talk, didn't ask. Just started in...hit and run. Selfish. I was just trying to live my life and I was trying to focus on me, but I feel sucker punched and like any measure of dignity I had left is gone. I am so angry. And I didn't want that. I don't want to be. I just want to heal. I felt like I was making progress and separating, but he wasn't satisfied just to let go without drama. It was like hurting me made him feel better about him.

Tomorrow I am focusing on me and he is history. I want to heal. I know I need help for me stay true to that. I know he will try to reach out at some point. I want to know I can be strong when I need to be. I hope I will be. Thanks again everyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 11:21pm

Hi unbreakme,

Good for you for focusing on you and making him history.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 7:49am

UBM,

There is much to be sad about, so let the sadness wash over you. Your feelings are going to be up and down. I could handle the anger and disgust and guilt. It was the body engulfing sadness that would bring me to my knees. I spent two whole days sitting at my desk at work sobbing. Didn't get a damn thing done. Just sat, read here, and cried. The tears are cleansing though, so don't try and "be strong" or hold back. Let the sadness wash over you.

While you are feeling sad, ask yourself what you are sad about. Really ask yourself that and write down your answers because there is going to be more than one. Then examine your answers. I bet you aren't really sad that you have ended your A. If you look at your answers carefully and thoughtfully, you're going to realize you are sad because you have become/were a person you didn't like. While initially I thought my sadness was from missing him, the truth is that when I took a closer look, I realized I was sad because of what I allowed myself to become. I was sad because I was afraid to face my issues and felt I lacked the courage to work on them and change them. I was sad because I thought I was unloveable. I was sad because the whole ugly mess had come to end and I was left with nothing but myself.

You are going to realize that no man is going to make you whole, healthy and happy. In reality, weren't we all really sad even while engaged in the A?? Sure, there were times with him that we thought we felt great and on top of the world!! My god, NO ONE was more sexy, witty and desireable than ME!! Every stroke of my ego took me to a higher place. I was practically invinceable! Oh, but then there were those horrific, self esteem and self worth eroding times. When I waited all day for some communication from him and it never came. Or when I knew he was with his family and probably not even thinking of me. Or I was just plain pining away for him and couldn't even function in my Real Life. Yuck. I am so glad those days are behind me. What a waste of time and energy.

Read and post, sweetie. Let the sadness come and go. I PROMISE you it will get better. Have the courage and faith in yourself and this process and KNOW you are going to get past this initial hurting phase. There is no way around it. You just have to forge ahead on through it. You will make it to the other side and it is a much nicer place to be.

Warm hugs,

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 10:49am
Always, there is such wisdom in your words. I am sad for many reasons, and you are correct, many of them have zero to do with him. This is about me. Right now I am just trying to keep my head up and function. Today is full of things to do and I just want to lay in my bed and cry. I cry in the car and in the shower. I pray the tears wash away this brokenness and that I can find hope again. Thank you all of you for being here. I will check in later. Thank you for being there and cheering me on. You have no idea how much your words comfort me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2010
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 11:27am
My xAp did a hit and run on me Monday night via text. Still stings. I feel your pain, trying to make it through the workday today. It's ok to feel sad. This feeling will pass. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Hang in there!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 12:56pm
The tears will indeed wash away that sadness over a little bit of time. You are mourning the loss of many things right now and this is part of the process of getting yourself whole again. There were a few days when I didn't know how I was going to function--and I pretty much didn't. Just shut down, laid my head on my desk and sobbed big fat snotty runny mascara tears. Feel the emotions and then let them go. All feelings are temporary and they change sometimes minute by minute. Find a few happy and grateful thoughts and hold those tight. Every day you are going to get better, even when it doesn't feel like it. I promise. (((Big Hug)))
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

Pages