I'm sorry your XAP is such an a$$. I searched back and read several of your threads as far back as February. It seems like your life has been overflowing with drama (I don't mean that in a condescending way). You know there is no magic force field that you can put up so you don't lose it if you accidentally answer the phone and it's him. You answered your own question - you need to be more vigilant in not answering numbers you don't recognize. I can't block my XAP's work numbers either because they have hundreds and I do work with other people there, but I still let it go to voice mail every time their business shows up.
Alice girl - you need to come do yoga with me. Your life is a Quentin Tarantino movie and it needs to be a 1920s silent movie. I know it's hard, I know it seems like XAP is out to get you, but try not to react - at all. I went through this with a gal several years ago with her divorce. Her ex is a complete a$$hole. I could never get it through her head that if she didn't react, if she didn't throw gas on his fire, she would be better off.
Do your best to take the emotion out of the situation if he contacts you. Hang in there Alice :)
I'm glad I didn't offend you, I was going to edit my post and tell you I don't think you are necessarily creating drama with XAP, but within yourself. Our actions and reactions hurt US the most. Ha ha - you screamed that you aren't addicted to drama - at least you know yourself! :)
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Exactly - and it's hard. It's getting a little easier, but when I notice XAP driving by I still feel a wave of fear that messes with my head.
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I've done both, but Bikram is the only yoga that absolutely MAKES me turn all my thoughts off.
I know how you feel - XAP works down the street from me. I take a different street when I have to go in the direction of his parking lot. I'm looking forward to the day where I can see his car and not have an instant reaction to it. Right now, I'm still in the place where if I look and don't see it, I'll wonder. I wonder anyway, but I try to keep it in check.
<<>>
Without sounding too much like a commercial (and then feeling the need to ring up Bikram and tell him he owes me some money - ha) I can't say enough about it. I've always been a runner, and it's been my outlet during my A, but when I run I'm still in my head. Regular Hatha yoga helped a little bit, but a little over a year ago, I found hot yoga. I have a type A personality, so it's really what I needed to start to train my mind to absolutely turn off. Especially at first - I needed the 105 degrees to gain the focus I needed. So, hopefully it will do for you what it's done for me. Mind, body soul - all connected. My body is stronger than it's ever been - it took some time for the mind and the soul to catch up. Being able to just go, to not have XAP quizzing me about who I talked to, what I wore, etc. is the BEST part now.
Alice, I'm glad you didn't delete your post. Bringing up the difficult stuff and dealing with it here is what this board is for and there is no shame in that.
Ya know, you _might_ be addicted to drama. You just might. I know I am. It's a difficult realization for me. Putting it all out on the table, I had to realize that I stir up shiz within myself when I'm feeling numb or frustrated. I want(ed) to FEEL something. anything! It's like those teenage girls to cut themselves just to feel something, even if it's pain. ya know? I'm a passionate person by nature and being numb or having no outlet for frustration is overwhelming for me. I'm working on it. Part of that process is to find a positive and productive way to feel passionate, instead of falling back on the familiar routine of the A-drama for it. "drama" doesn't have to be negative, does it? Not if we can change the meaning from useless emotion to positive passion. I'm (slowly) working towards finding something in my life to be crazy passionate about. Starting my own business! (yeah, me!)
And, Alice, if you're like me and a lot of other Enders here, you might be uncomfortable with peace and zen - it's an unfamiliar feeling in the beginning and it's difficult to manifest and hold when we're in the throws of newly ending our As. If we're used to having our emotions and thoughts running on overdrive, getting 'zen' and slowing down is a lot of hard work -- which, funny enough, is counter intuitive to the whole concept, isn't it? ha.
Going to do that stinky, hot, sweaty yoga --- well, that might be a really good start. (better you than me! Ew, stinky hippies!) ;)
I laughed at stinky hippies too :) I love you Dee - and I'm VERY excited for you starting your own business! I only have a second to post because I have to go eat my granola and shine up my Birkenstocks :)
Ain't nothing you can do about the smelly sweat Alice - just shower as soon at you get home. Want to be really grossed out? Even though I take off my drenched clothes after yoga, I sit on 2 beach towels in my car on the say home to protect my seat - and now I have a towel over my chest too - because I noticed one day that my seat belt was soaked with sweat!
Finding a balance between peace and passion is my hope for all of us. Do whatever you can to find it :)
Hi Alice- I am sorry you had a rough week. It sounds like a nightmare. But, if you can finally embrace the power of NC and make a clean break, then this was not for nothing... All of these moments are growth spurts now, as my good friends TU and New Season have reminded me on countless occasions. I don't know the whole story of your week- I am a bit behind on the board these days, but I pray for your peace. You've been up and down and spun around for months. It's time for some peace- give it a chance, you may like it, as unsettling as it is at first.
Alice -
I'm sorry your XAP is such an a$$. I searched back and read several of your threads as far back as February. It seems like your life has been overflowing with drama (I don't mean that in a condescending way). You know there is no magic force field that you can put up so you don't lose it if you accidentally answer the phone and it's him. You answered your own question - you need to be more vigilant in not answering numbers you don't recognize. I can't block my XAP's work numbers either because they have hundreds and I do work with other people there, but I still let it go to voice mail every time their business shows up.
Alice girl - you need to come do yoga with me. Your life is a Quentin Tarantino movie and it needs to be a 1920s silent movie. I know it's hard, I know it seems like XAP is out to get you, but try not to react - at all. I went through this with a gal several years ago with her divorce. Her ex is a complete a$$hole. I could never get it through her head that if she didn't react, if she didn't throw gas on his fire, she would be better off.
Do your best to take the emotion out of the situation if he contacts you. Hang in there Alice :)
Bodhi
Alice -
I'm glad I didn't offend you, I was going to edit my post and tell you I don't think you are necessarily creating drama with XAP, but within yourself. Our actions and reactions hurt US the most. Ha ha - you screamed that you aren't addicted to drama - at least you know yourself! :)
<<>>
Exactly - and it's hard. It's getting a little easier, but when I notice XAP driving by I still feel a wave of fear that messes with my head.
<<>>
I've done both, but Bikram is the only yoga that absolutely MAKES me turn all my thoughts off.
You can create the peace :)
Bodhi
I know how you feel - XAP works down the street from me. I take a different street when I have to go in the direction of his parking lot. I'm looking forward to the day where I can see his car and not have an instant reaction to it. Right now, I'm still in the place where if I look and don't see it, I'll wonder. I wonder anyway, but I try to keep it in check.
<<>>
Without sounding too much like a commercial (and then feeling the need to ring up Bikram and tell him he owes me some money - ha) I can't say enough about it. I've always been a runner, and it's been my outlet during my A, but when I run I'm still in my head. Regular Hatha yoga helped a little bit, but a little over a year ago, I found hot yoga. I have a type A personality, so it's really what I needed to start to train my mind to absolutely turn off. Especially at first - I needed the 105 degrees to gain the focus I needed. So, hopefully it will do for you what it's done for me. Mind, body soul - all connected. My body is stronger than it's ever been - it took some time for the mind and the soul to catch up. Being able to just go, to not have XAP quizzing me about who I talked to, what I wore, etc. is the BEST part now.
Bodhi
Alice,
I'm glad you didn't delete your post. Bringing up the difficult stuff and dealing with it here is what this board is for and there is no shame in that.
Ya know, you _might_ be addicted to drama. You just might. I know I am. It's a difficult realization for me. Putting it all out on the table, I had to realize that I stir up shiz within myself when I'm feeling numb or frustrated. I want(ed) to FEEL something. anything! It's like those teenage girls to cut themselves just to feel something, even if it's pain. ya know? I'm a passionate person by nature and being numb or having no outlet for frustration is overwhelming for me. I'm working on it. Part of that process is to find a positive and productive way to feel passionate, instead of falling back on the familiar routine of the A-drama for it. "drama" doesn't have to be negative, does it? Not if we can change the meaning from useless emotion to positive passion. I'm (slowly) working towards finding something in my life to be crazy passionate about. Starting my own business! (yeah, me!)
And, Alice, if you're like me and a lot of other Enders here, you might be uncomfortable with peace and zen - it's an unfamiliar feeling in the beginning and it's difficult to manifest and hold when we're in the throws of newly ending our As. If we're used to having our emotions and thoughts running on overdrive, getting 'zen' and slowing down is a lot of hard work -- which, funny enough, is counter intuitive to the whole concept, isn't it? ha.
Going to do that stinky, hot, sweaty yoga --- well, that might be a really good start. (better you than me! Ew, stinky hippies!) ;)
Hope you have a wonderful and positive day,
Dee
I laughed at stinky hippies too :) I love you Dee - and I'm VERY excited for you starting your own business! I only have a second to post because I have to go eat my granola and shine up my Birkenstocks :)
Ain't nothing you can do about the smelly sweat Alice - just shower as soon at you get home. Want to be really grossed out? Even though I take off my drenched clothes after yoga, I sit on 2 beach towels in my car on the say home to protect my seat - and now I have a towel over my chest too - because I noticed one day that my seat belt was soaked with sweat!
Finding a balance between peace and passion is my hope for all of us. Do whatever you can to find it :)
Bodhi
Edited 8/7/2010 11:11 am ET by bodhi2010
Hi Alice- I am sorry you had a rough week. It sounds like a nightmare. But, if you can finally embrace the power of NC and make a clean break, then this was not for nothing... All of these moments are growth spurts now, as my good friends TU and New Season have reminded me on countless occasions. I don't know the whole story of your week- I am a bit behind on the board these days, but I pray for your peace. You've been up and down and spun around for months. It's time for some peace- give it a chance, you may like it, as unsettling as it is at first.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/