Would have been day 4 nc..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2012
Would have been day 4 nc..
14
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 7:16pm

Well, it would have been day 4 of NC but I caved. I'm pathetic I know, but I couldn't function, I sure could cry though. So, I sent a text just saying that I missed him and that I was sorry for my share of the argument. He responded that he was sorry too, so i asked if he wanted to be friends still, and he said yes that would be fine. He told me that a guy had gotten killed at work and that it had been "sobering" and "eye opening" for him and that his days of seeing other women were over. I asked when this happened, it happened earlier in the week. Well..he dumped me on Sun night..before that happened. I mentioned that to him and he overlooked that. He said that he didn't want any hard feelings between us and that he was sorry that he'd hurt me, but this where it had to stand now. I said that was fine with me. And actually, I am kinda find with that, because I know he is still out there and not totally out of my life. I just couldn't do it, let him go completely. I know he could change his mind and decide not to be friends after all. It did give me a "fix", I felt so much better. I know in the back of my mind Im hoping he will want to see me again some day. Sigh.

love,

thinking.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 7:34pm
I'm sorry you caved, not that it isn't normal, three weeks of NC and I caved last year btdt about five more times after, the fix makes you feel better for a brief time then what? It won't be enough and it will me a vicious circle, you'll be in limbo just waiting while life goes on around you, don't you deserve more?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2012
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 7:50pm

Yes, I feel the limbo already. He did tell me also that his feelings for me hadn't changed, but that he just couldn't see other women anymore. He said that accident made him see that, ect. I'm sure there's more to it, as he dumped me saying that he loved me but couldnt see others outside his marriage because of "getting older and set in his ways..", he did that Sun night. The accident at work that caused him to "see the light" was a day or so later. I'm just not ready to let go, but he may give me no choice. His W may tell him to stop talking to me. I told him that maybe one day we'd be able to hang out again (I know stupid, stupid) one day, and he said he he was sure we would. Maybe we will just keep it to texting and that can kinda wean me off of him. To have daily contact for 3 yrs then nothing, is just more than i could bear.

love,

thinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2011
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 8:08pm

I totally feel you on this one....I've been in this same spot for over 3 months now.

Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2011
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 8:12pm

I see that RatherBeMe has a quote on the bottom of his posts that reflect exactly what I was trying to say:

At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.

Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 8:17pm
Thinking,

I am going to kindly ask you to post only if you are committed to ending your affair and that it's over. They are too many people on this board struggling with it daily just like you but they stick with it. If you are truly done with it and plan on following thru, great, stay here and post away and we will be here to support you.

What I don't want is those struggling to read your post and it hurt them and set them back with the miss yous and blah blah blah...

These A's hurt enough. Ending is extruciating. I can't allow it to be romanticized and not say anything. You even wish for him to contact you...this is not the board for that.

I am not trying to be insensitive or mean. I am only trying to protect the board and the people here I care a whole lot about. I hope you understand.

You could have come here, but you knew we would try to talk you out of it n so you did your own thing. I am not Suprised. I hate saying this but I am not Suprised by your post, figured it was just a matter of time and I refrained from posting to you for that reason. I can't let this go. Now I have to speak up.

This is the endings board. N you should want it over for you. Not cuz he says so. Your fix could devastate so many. And you will learn the short term fix Aint worth it.

As stated earlier, post away if it's truly over, and you plan on working hard to stick to it. The selfish behavior has to end. When is up to you...
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2012
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 9:09pm

I'm truly sorry that I offended you and if I hurt anyone. That was never my intention. I came for support for the end of my A from those I knew had gone through it, I didn't mean to make it sound like it was romantic. As it's not. Yes, I did cave, I just needed to know that he was out there and not hating me. I don't know why it matters that I know that. But again, I am truly sorry to those that I upset and offended. I will refrain from posting.

thinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 9:45pm
Thinking,

If its over and you are honestly trying to see to it that it status that way, please post. I do not want you trying to go at it alone. We are here to support you. It has to be over tho. I hope you understand. I rather you tell me your going to try to end it.

There are plenty of us, who try and fail and then try again. We just need to know that it's over...and that your going to truly attempt to remain NC.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 9:51pm
You will be back, Thinking. Luvin said it gently...you are not ready for the end just yet. Most everyone on this board went and broke NC once, twice, and even more times cause we just couldn't stand that it was "over", we wanted control, we wanted to know they weren't "mad at us", we wanted desperately to stay "friends", even though we were really just an afterthought in their heads.
When I first posted here, in the summer of 2010, I was still very much in the A-hole. I wanted to end, wanted to do the right thing and sought support. Iddy (memory eternal) worded it very kindly and also very plainly that I was not to post here until I was ready to end. I continued to stay in the A-hole for 7 more months. Then I was really ready for some support when my RL world came crashing down around me with my D-Day. All A's end. Yours will too...
You will be back when YOU are ready.

Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 9:54pm
'I just needed to know he was out there and not hating me'.

You didn't NEED to, you WANTED to. I fight those urges with all my might. Daily. Lots of us do. Commit to ending if you are going to end. Come here when you feel tempted, talk it through, find out what you're really looking for.

Try again. Try harder though.

Gypsy.
Avatar for worthmore
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2012
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 10:22pm
Thank you, Luvin. And you too, Heartofsix. I'm one of the ones you're saving here. I'm just a few days away from two months NC. I've had to give up a coveted work assignment to ensure I stay NC. It's been harder and harder lately to keep my head in the game.

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