Would You Give Him Another Chance?
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| Sun, 02-27-2005 - 4:18pm |
My relationship with my MM just ended last night. For the first few months we were extremely happy. He moved out after his W said she didn't want him anymore. They had been having problems for years. Then after she found out the type of home she could have without him, which didn't meet her expectations since she didn't work, she decided she wanted him back. So for the last three months she has been doing everything in her power to win him back, including using the 2kids(teenagers), and throwing guilt at him, even though she was the one that wanted him out.
For the last three months he was confused. Felt like a failure. Said he was failing his kids by not being there for them. Said she was begging for another chance and she said everything would change. Everything including once again having sex with him after she had withheld it for years. He said he loved her, but was no longer in love with her, but he felt he owed her that one more chance because he would want her to give it to him.
So yesterday was our last day together. We both were emotional. I knew for him to have any piece of mind, he had to go and give it another shot. So we said our goodbyes and today I am heartbroken. I'm truly not sure that if things don't work out with her if I should give him another chance?

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Thanks Billie,
I guess all I can do is take one day at a time and see how things go. I don't want to be the back burner gal waiting for him. Before he said everything he did to me yesterday I had already started that process. I had already stopped waiting for him to call, I had begun to start to go back to the gym after work, and then run my errands and do the things I was doing before I got involved with him. I started being me again BEFORE I gave up all my free time to do things for and with him.
I went from having him call me 10 times a day to maybe once. I knew he was slipping in the other direction, yet keeping me on the string just enough so when things didn't work out, he had his safety net and sex. I'll admit, I loved him, but I am not completely sure that things would have worked out either. He liked getting high several times EVERY day, liked to go out drinking a couple times a week, as well as going to strip clubs. He already proved that he would cheat on his W. And that he was vulnerable to her and her commands and whims. So where is the future going with us? The drinking and drugs is something I probably couldn't have tolerated much longer anyway, especially if I was commited to him 100%.
Who knows I might have been responsible for him leaving his kids, coming to me, and then me not being able to deal with all his baggage, and ultimately getting rid of him a year later. Or perhaps the guilt I would have felt of him leaving his wife and kids for me would have been so great, I might have stayed in a relationship I wasn't truly happy with out of guilt. I try not to think about the pain right now, but then I try to think would he have been truly long term material? Or was I in it just to win and get what I couldn't have? Or did I really love him and want him? I really don't know. So maybe this time now will tell us both what we think and truly feel. Who knows, he still might decide to leave and I might tell him sorry, it's too late. Anything is possible.
Tomorrow he'll be working in the same building as me. Guess we'll see if he stops by to see how I am. Or if he's feeling too guilty to even call.
Who knows, what goes around comes around I guess...
I read a poem on a bathroom wall the other day that went something like this:
Someday you will smile when you see me,
like I smiled when I saw you.
Someday you will be truly happy when you hear my voice,
like I was happy when I heard yours.
Someday you will truly love me,
Like I ONCE loved you a long time ago.
NY,
The drugs and alcohol add a WHOLE different dimention. Run, don't walk. Drugs will enable people to do things they normally wouldn't do. The drugs will be the most important thing in his life...not you, not W and not even his kids. Unless he gets help he will continue to be a slave to them. You do not want to be a casualty of that war.
I know this doesn't make the feelings any easier or the hurt you will feel any less. But sleep soundly at night knowing that this man is not in a place AT ALL to know what he wants or to be true to anyone right now.
Hugs!
Billie
Thanks again for your words Billie.
This morning when I was at work I looked outside to see him driving up and down the road looking into where I work. Why in the world would he be doing this when he is the one that wanted to end this? What satisfaction does he get out of driving by looking for me?
Then he sent me a goodmorning text message and then another one a little while ago with little smiley faces.
Does he not realize he is the one that hurt me? Is this his attempt to make me think things are just fine now that his W is happy that he moved home?
I'm not sure if I should be mad because of what he is doing? Or if I should be glad he is still thinking of me. He hasn't called though. I think he feels way to guilty yet to do that.
Sorry for the rant. I'm going crazy at times.
I think it was NRE who told me...misery loves company so don't be the company. I'm sure he is second guessing himself and misses you. But he made his choice and now he has to live with the decision. If wants a relationship with you, it needs to be above board, after his D, and in my opinion, after he receives treatment for his addictions. He needs to learn to take care of and care for himself before he can take care of and care for you.
Stay strong and be true to yourself!
Billie
You have the same questions in your head as me. I asked myself so many times if I could be happy living in his house. I knew I would always considerate it HIS house not mine. He inhereted the house from his family and when he and his wife separated that was his only concern. He wanted to keep the house, his father worried about him keeping the house but didn't seem concerned about his daughter-in-law leaving. I don't think I would have been able to put up with a lot of the things he did like getting high. An exciting night to him was watching a Nascar race on tv, yipeeee!
I'm so glad I'm not there. To think I almost gave up the chance of meeting an amazing man who will love me and make me feel special and whole and the entire thing will be an honest R. I can't wait to meet that man. he's out there and I'm going to find him unless he finds me first. hehehe
LilRocket
NY:
OF COURSE he's keeping you on a back burner. That's what "we'll still see each other" means. Maybe you could have kept him from leaving, but what is that? That's not a committment. Take care of you. Think about you. That's what counts.
Sexy:
There is...it's called self-respect and time. You don't have to be somebody's chick on the side.
Edited 3/6/2005 10:34 pm ET ET by txfallon
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