Wrestling with a difficult decision. Need advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wrestling with a difficult decision. Need advice.
9
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 9:31am

2011--the year of honesty and better living! I am looking so forward to the hard work, although I will admit at times I've felt exhausted from too much thinking and sometimes wish for my "old" self back...the one who shirked responsibility, was always looking for an escape, who was needy in unhealthy ways and avoided close examinations in the mirror.

I know I can't go backward, so I'm marching forward. Part of my resolve in healing the hurts within and making better choices about my life and lifestyle include choosing who to spend my time with. I have two girlfriends

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 10:42am

Always,

I've blogged about this a couple of times, in cleaning things up AA style - I had to close the door on my best friend (I've known him since 5th grade), and several lesser friendships - the hardest part was deciding my friendship level - initially I didn't want to close the door to them, but like trying to remain friends in an A - unhealthy behaviors, always remain.

Photobucket
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 11:30am

Among the most trying things I went through this last year, was the loss of my closest friend.

I had lived with his short comings, because of our friendship.

Thankfully, (now) he ended it by his temper and his refusal to make up. I tried many times.

I miss the camaraderie, but as time goes by, I don't miss the amount of aggravation and drama that he brought to my life. God knows I brought enough of my own.

I have now

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2010
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 11:46am

Maybe before ending the friendships you could practice representing yourself more honestly from the "new you" within the relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 12:46pm

I thank you all for taking the time to respond. I don't want to go into too many details, but I can't see myself completely cutting these two women from my life. They are wonderful women, but like all of us, have their faults.

I really like your advice, Better. I hadn't really thought about just preseting myself more honestly. And I can see that you are absolutely right in that they may be the ones to decide I'm no fun any more and want to distance themselves from me.

I just know that with the changes that I'm committed to, there will be changes in the amount of time I spend with them and the things we do together--like drowning our sorrows over 99 beers.

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2010
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 1:36pm

Always,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2010
Sun, 01-02-2011 - 2:05pm

OK, let's try this again. Computer skills obviously lacking today.

I had a similar friendship, who in hindsight now, was very toxic. She lived in a sea of despair, and no matter what I said or did, could never pull her out of her funk. Better has a great suggestion. Try this first and at very least, you know you made an effort to improve the relationship(s) and return

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 12:23am

Always, whenever there is personal growth, we need to reevaluate our relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 12:46am

Always, I'm in agreement with Better. This is a golden opportunity to try out your new outlook and self by communicating it gently in a general sense to these women you love

Love, Sunshine Dedicated to living my new life with integrity, truth and positive thoughts! I am worthy of true love and definitely worth the wait!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 01-03-2011 - 1:41am

Always,

First of all, good for you for continuing to PLOD ALONG through your baggage

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010