wrestling with obsessive thinking
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|Wed, 08-01-2012 - 10:52am|
Well it has been 5 months NC now and over a year since I last saw XAP. The searing pain and hurt has gone, thankfully to be replaced with some discomfort when I think about him. I'll take discomfort over agony any day! But I am still thinking of him and that's the problem. Especially at night, beofre sleep, I replay this scenario or that, have angry conversations with him in my head, or remember things we did... comes at me during the day too. I just want it to stop.
I do the 'STOP' (YELLING - not out loud!) thing and I try to refocus my mind onto myself or other things but it just seems to keep coming at me. And as a result I just feel like I have not let go, I want to let go, why cant I? It's like after all this time I still cannot accept it even though my logic mind fully knows, my emotional mind still clings on and it seems to fill up the void I cant face when I am finally 'clear'... yet I long to be 'clear'...
Any thoughts you wise women (and men)?
Coco x x x