WTH???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
WTH???
15
Fri, 01-14-2011 - 4:25pm

I've been on an emotional rollercoaster all day. It started with a ridiculous spat with my H (a misunderstanding in communication, which I jumped on defensively and ended up making an ass of myself--which I HATE. So I called him at work later and apologized. You have no idea how hard that is for me to do). After

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
In reply to: alwayst2
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 8:27am

You are all such sweethearts to me. I really needed to hear the different things you all said. It helps to hear from someone else in order to get things back into perspective.

Like Renewal said, I engaged in the highs and lows of the A for 13 months, so I'm not going to reach indifference in 3 months. It is a process. A long and arduous journey.

Some things that were said really struck me and had me nodding my head in agreement.

From Heart: What you are probably really missing are the highs from the A.....

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: alwayst2
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 9:58am

>>I agree with those who say thinking about the exAP is like a little stress reliever (or once was for you)>>

Yeah, well, being around these morons is a stress inducer, 8/5, and yesterday I had to tell him I was done talking to him for the day, after we had a nasty tit for tat. Those of you who are M, consider yourselves lucky you have the opportunity to kiss and make up, or not. At least you have a choice. ;-)

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
In reply to: alwayst2
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 3:05pm
Hello (:

I also think, this is one of the reasons why doing our OWN work is so important. I think sometimes, we go from making xAP responsible for all our feelings of self-worth, that when the affair ends we just go ahead and transfer that responsibility over to the Spouse. I think it is very unfair for the spouse to have to be the one charged with that kinda power over someone's sense of well-being. I think it also puts all of us in a vulnerable position. NO one's sense of well-being should be contingent on someone else ... in other words, negative experiences with one person shouldn't trigger the want/need to escape to a fantasy world where those feelings/needs could be temporarily met. Therefore, the LONG HAUL isn't only with the relationships that needs time to re-build, but is the work of reflection within ourselves.

I hope this is clear. I also hope this reminds all of those who are in partnerships expressing so much disappointment with H's, that much of it can come out sounding like *you* are holding them solely responsible for your happiness instead of focusing on your own process of learning from the affair experience.

Much Love as we journey onward,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
In reply to: alwayst2
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 5:11pm

Always, Thankfully I didn't kick any kittens. But I did read and re-read your post and think about my own situation and what you are feeling. I am so vulnerable right now. I feel like I am being jerked around by my emotions and it is irritating. I want to feel like I am actually doing some healing, so I could understand what you were saying yesterday. You didn't feel ready to be vulnerable yet and yet...you knew it was the healthy, right thing to do, so you did. I just want to say instead of my post yesterday that was all ME ME ME that I really respect you for doing that and think it is a major thing that you did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2010
In reply to: alwayst2
Sat, 01-15-2011 - 5:17pm

double post...

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