WTH???
Find a Conversation
WTH???
| Fri, 01-14-2011 - 4:25pm |
I've been on an emotional rollercoaster all day. It started with a ridiculous spat with my H (a misunderstanding in communication, which I jumped on defensively and ended up making an ass of myself--which I HATE. So I called him at work later and apologized. You have no idea how hard that is for me to do). After

Pages
You are all such sweethearts to me. I really needed to hear the different things you all said. It helps to hear from someone else in order to get things back into perspective.
Like Renewal said, I engaged in the highs and lows of the A for 13 months, so I'm not going to reach indifference in 3 months. It is a process. A long and arduous journey.
Some things that were said really struck me and had me nodding my head in agreement.
From Heart: What you are probably really missing are the highs from the A.....
>>I agree with those who say thinking about the exAP is like a little stress reliever (or once was for you)>>
Yeah, well, being around these morons is a stress inducer, 8/5, and yesterday I had to tell him I was done talking to him for the day, after we had a nasty tit for tat. Those of you who are M, consider yourselves lucky you have the opportunity to kiss and make up, or not. At least you have a choice. ;-)
I also think, this is one of the reasons why doing our OWN work is so important. I think sometimes, we go from making xAP responsible for all our feelings of self-worth, that when the affair ends we just go ahead and transfer that responsibility over to the Spouse. I think it is very unfair for the spouse to have to be the one charged with that kinda power over someone's sense of well-being. I think it also puts all of us in a vulnerable position. NO one's sense of well-being should be contingent on someone else ... in other words, negative experiences with one person shouldn't trigger the want/need to escape to a fantasy world where those feelings/needs could be temporarily met. Therefore, the LONG HAUL isn't only with the relationships that needs time to re-build, but is the work of reflection within ourselves.
I hope this is clear. I also hope this reminds all of those who are in partnerships expressing so much disappointment with H's, that much of it can come out sounding like *you* are holding them solely responsible for your happiness instead of focusing on your own process of learning from the affair experience.
Much Love as we journey onward,
TU.
Always, Thankfully I didn't kick any kittens. But I did read and re-read your post and think about my own situation and what you are feeling. I am so vulnerable right now. I feel like I am being jerked around by my emotions and it is irritating. I want to feel like I am actually doing some healing, so I could understand what you were saying yesterday. You didn't feel ready to be vulnerable yet and yet...you knew it was the healthy, right thing to do, so you did. I just want to say instead of my post yesterday that was all ME ME ME that I really respect you for doing that and think it is a major thing that you did.
double post...
Pages