XAP Contacted Me
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| Thu, 03-11-2010 - 7:12pm |
It's been 4 months since I last spoke or saw xap. He tried to get in touch with me a couple of times, the last was around the holidays. We never ended on a really bad note, he initiated the first ending (that was tough), I initiated the second and third (almost as bad). He didn't want to go NC, he wanted to maintain the friendship. I know, big red flag but understand that before we had the A we were friends, and only friends for a long time. I know he hated NC but for me it was best. I was in love with him and the only way to stop being in love with him was to remove him from my life. It was really hard because he was never a bad guy, I never experienced some of the horror stories I've read about. Things were always pleasant and civil between us, not perfect, but ok. The troubles we had were caused by the stresses of being in an A and our friendship was forever ruined because of it.
Anyway, he contacted me today. He called from a private number so I didn't know it was him. He called to offer me his support.

Great big hugs to you, MB.
~TTS
My heart goes out to you - i can only imagine how difficult it was for you to receive that call. One of my worst fears would be finding myself ill and wanting to reach out to my xAP for the type of care and support that I know he would offer me as a friend.
I agree with the previous post - during the ending process we very much mourn alone, but with the medical news you have received, time to reach out and let others in your world support you.
My best.
Warmly,
j.
Aww, Sweetie, I am so sorry about your diagnosis but as TTS and Jodi said, because it was caught early enough, you should be just fine in the long run. I hate to say this because I know Xap was very important to you once, but his calling you was a very selfish thing to do. I know he probably thought it would be okay to reach out, but no, it wasn't. He must have had some idea that even the friendship was over, yes?
Congratulations on the 4 months of NC. I've seen your posts scattered here and there and always love your input. I hope that maybe you will stick around a bit so we can be there for you through this difficult time. Are you S or M?
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This tells me that your heart is still involved, so ending the conversation was a wise thing to do. The last thing you need now is your past interferring with your future, especially in the vulnerable state you are in. I am sure you have friends and family that can give you the support you need, and there is also a forum on Ivillage that you could post on for help and advice. Here is the link:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhgyncancer
Wishing you the best, MB, and please keep us informed on your progress.
((Hugs)) and love,
~Iddy~
I just wanted to say I am sorry about your diagnosis. But that is very good news that is was caught early.
I agree with the others as far as XAP. How hard that must be seeing you were friends before the A..so you lost a friendship also. But, I do believe you are doing the right thing and focusing on yourself right now. You need to keep your stress levels down and take care of you.
Thinking of you.
RG
I'm also sending hugs. You have so much to deal with. I wish you a quick and total recovery. Prayers for peace!
xoxoxo
Dee
I thank everyone for your support. As far as the cancer goes, I'm pretty positive about it all. I have my moments of utter panic but then it goes away and I feel alright.
Hello MissB,
You're going through so much right now, and the A and xap should be the last thing on your mind, although I'm sure it all pours in at times and pushes buttons that you didn't know you had. This is the time for you with your new journey. I've added a link, if you don't already know about it, to a site that has a wealth of information about hysterectomies as I imagine that is the surgery you will be having, and within that site is one called "cancer concerns".
Keep reading and posting as it will make you feel good along the way.
Hugs to you,
Mish
http://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/forumdisplay.php?f=6