XAP: fantasy vs. reality
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| Wed, 07-28-2010 - 11:06pm |
Fantasy: Single
Reality: Married
Fantasy: Kind, caring and selfless
Reality: Mean, cold and selfish
Fantasy: Healthy and nurturing
Reality: Unhealthy, toxic and controlling
Fantasy: Always there for me
Reality: Never there for me
Fantasy: Puts me first
Reality: Put me after family, work, golf...
Fantasy: Spends all his time with me
Reality: Squeezed me in, when it suited him
Fantasy: Tells the world about our relationship
Reality: Hidden in the darkness, no one knows
Fantasy: Good looking and fit
Reality: Looks old and tired, gained 40 lbs.
Fantasy: Treats me like a queen
Reality: Treated me horribly
Fantasy: Fulfilling intimate life
Reality: Sex on the floor, when it suited him
Fantasy: Wonderful communication
Reality: No communication
Fantasy: Makes me feel good about life and myself
Reality: Made me feel lower than I've ever felt
Fantasy: We live happily ever after
Reality: Everything I thought I had with XAP was a fantasy.
How I let myself be fooled for so long, I don't know. I guess I can survive a long time on crumbs. My feelings are all over the place, but I'm really glad I'm here. I'm not compromising what I want and deserve ever again.
Bodhi

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Well you made me smile.....
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
This list... wow!! So helpful. I am going to print it out too and carry it around. I need this type of stuff, visuals to go to when I start to get lost in my own fantasy land. It was all a fantasy. The more I am thinking about it, the more I am realizing how my xAP toyed with me. He knew exactly what to do to get me into the "needy zone" so I would spend all
Wising -
It's scary, I could have gone on with more, but I didn't want to bore people. You should make a list for your XAP!
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That's awesome - I feel the same way. Keep healing :)
Bodhi
Perfect. I can see your fog lifting from here. So proud of you... so so proud.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
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