XAP leaves work tomorrow

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
XAP leaves work tomorrow
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 12:52pm

and I feel like newbie all over again 

got through his final few weeks with very strict LC but am facing his very public departure tomorrow and struggling with every single feeling you can imagine. Stayed home today and pretty much been a soggy mess. 

Sorry not been about but haven't felt had much to offer and just been getting through. 

Yellow x

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~


Community Leader
Registered: 05-23-2003
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 1:27pm

Aww, sweetie.

You'll be okay.  It's to be expected that with this transition, there will be feelings that come up.

I'm sorry that you're soggy today - but there are brighter days ahead.  No more LC will be a weight lifted from your shoulders!

Big hugs,



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 1:42pm
Sweetling, as Kim says, this is *totally* to be expected. I rememebr the day xAP moved, and I didn't even have to witness it like you do. I think you will feel a whole lot better when he is gone andyou can finally move away from this in a more complete way. It's for the best. But I do know how much it hurts. love you, pudding. Hang in there.
Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 3:39pm


Any chance you can stay home tomorrow too?  You can hang out here no matter how much of a soggy mess you are...talk it out, cry it out, scream it out.

We'll be your collective shoulder...help divvy up the hurt.  


Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 4:00pm

As my Turkish father says, Gecmis olsun. "Let it be in your past."

So hard. Thinking of you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 4:34pm

Thankyou my friends. I'm not going to his leaving lunch and will come home before they return. I fell apart today. But tomorrow will have my poker face on I hope. Conflicted as know it's the best outcome but wanting to say a final goodbye. I know, I know. But it's how I feel. It's scary to feel so raw yet again. And I'm fearful I will never feel better. Blah. You'd have thought I'd have got it by now lol! Yellow x

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 5:04pm

I can tell you, once it is done it will be done.

In my case she got married 5 months after the last contact.

It has been a relief. Knowing it is done. Anything less than completly done, would be too kinky, even for me.


We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 6:45pm

Dear Yellow,

You WILL survive this and thrive.  The feelings you're experiencing are consistent with loss and are completely normal.  I can tell you that lying around crying only makes it worse - for anybody.  You are a human being with feelings.

May I suggest going through the motions of extreme self care?  Exercise, eat clean/eat well, engage in activities that require a degree of concentration, be with people you love and have at least one good friend you can confide in/have tea with.  If you can find it within yourself to do this, it really helps.  Please try not to wallow.

And as others have said, post here often.  We are the most non-judgemental group there is for you, have walked in your shoes and made it to the other side.

Good luck and keep us posted.



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 5:57am

Hi Yellow

Big Hugs to you!

As you know, I went through a similar situation last year when I left my job. I don't really remember much from the actual day - I don't remember if my xAP was actually in the office or not, it was a day that I had to get over and done with - it was very symbolic for mé - it meant things were finally over, I finally ended my A completly - no loose ends, no going backs, no more pain.

It was a tough month or two afterwards, but I always knew it was the 100% right thing to do for me - and not to mention for my xAP. I'm sure he's happier at work without me being there, and 4 months after leaving, he becomes less present in my thoughts - but he is still there a couple of times a day, the best part is the pain in O V E R. I feel no pain, I feel lots of love and joy for my children and life.... its not perfect, there is still lots of work to do, but now I no longer work with my xAP I can concentrate on the important things in life....

Its probably too late now - but if I were you, I would have made sure I was out of the office. I hope it goes well, and its not as bad as you thought it would be.

Let us know how you are, its a time where you need support!!!

Love and Hugs - thinking of you sweetie!


Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2010
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 8:01am


This has finally come to an end. The End.  It does hurt. But with time passing, it gets better. Truly.  When I left my job, xap was not in the office (I still noticed things like that, good grief).  I was actually relieved that he was out.  I enjoyed my last day.  I am now in a new job and it is so freeing.  I am happier, actually look forward going to work, and I am sure xap is happy too.

You will be ok.



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 8:42am
(((Yellow))) It's all been said..... Thinking of you and sending you a big hug Sunny Soon Xxx