XAP leaves work tomorrow

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
XAP leaves work tomorrow
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 12:52pm

and I feel like newbie all over again 

got through his final few weeks with very strict LC but am facing his very public departure tomorrow and struggling with every single feeling you can imagine. Stayed home today and pretty much been a soggy mess. 

Sorry not been about but haven't felt had much to offer and just been getting through. 

Yellow x

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2011
Sun, 02-24-2013 - 9:38pm

Dear Yellowone,  I hated to read that you were hurting so bad.  I  haven't posted in months but thought I would stop in and try to cheer you up.  Then I read how well you handled yourself with grace and dignity and was very happy for you.  Congratulations.  It can only get immensely better from now on.  No more triggers.  No more reminders.  New beginnings.  Best wishes to you in getting over this last hurdle.  (((hugs)))

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 11:06am

I'm so proud of you for keeping it together.  We know it was hard.  And that friend...not much of a friend.  Sorry about that.

Today is a new day...the start of a new beginning.  Nothing like ringing in a new beginning with some pampering...extend it through the weekend :)  You deserve it.

Keep posting in as much as you need.  I'll be in and out, although I'm having a lot of difficulty with ivillage keeping me logged in and then getting logged back in....UGH.  And I can't access my PMs either.



Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 10:01am
Thank you everyone. I needed you. Sisterchange - very good to see you - I remember your advice many moons ago. Well I very proud of myself. I went in and held it very together. Polite and professional. There was a very hurtful occurrence though. You may remember the issues I've had with my BFF at work with xAP. She has ignored me the last few weeks and our relationship has been strained since she never genuinely supported me whilst all the time sayi g she would. She decided to come in today, sit near him and go to his leaving lunch. All the while avoiding me. Yep. That was fun. But you know, finally I'm done - with both of them. Line is now drawn. Clearly her behaviour was some sort of message. The last convo I had withher about this before Xmas she said she wanted to practically support me in getting through this. Well I don't need that kind of support. I feel numb. But I didn't make a fool of myself, I didn't intrude on his final day and I've walked away withno drama. Silence from now on. Love you all - thank you. You've never met me yet your faith and loyalty to a stranger is humbling. Yellow x

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2012
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 8:42am
(((Yellow))) It's all been said..... Thinking of you and sending you a big hug Sunny Soon Xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2010
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 8:01am


This has finally come to an end. The End.  It does hurt. But with time passing, it gets better. Truly.  When I left my job, xap was not in the office (I still noticed things like that, good grief).  I was actually relieved that he was out.  I enjoyed my last day.  I am now in a new job and it is so freeing.  I am happier, actually look forward going to work, and I am sure xap is happy too.

You will be ok.



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Fri, 02-01-2013 - 5:57am

Hi Yellow

Big Hugs to you!

As you know, I went through a similar situation last year when I left my job. I don't really remember much from the actual day - I don't remember if my xAP was actually in the office or not, it was a day that I had to get over and done with - it was very symbolic for mé - it meant things were finally over, I finally ended my A completly - no loose ends, no going backs, no more pain.

It was a tough month or two afterwards, but I always knew it was the 100% right thing to do for me - and not to mention for my xAP. I'm sure he's happier at work without me being there, and 4 months after leaving, he becomes less present in my thoughts - but he is still there a couple of times a day, the best part is the pain in O V E R. I feel no pain, I feel lots of love and joy for my children and life.... its not perfect, there is still lots of work to do, but now I no longer work with my xAP I can concentrate on the important things in life....

Its probably too late now - but if I were you, I would have made sure I was out of the office. I hope it goes well, and its not as bad as you thought it would be.

Let us know how you are, its a time where you need support!!!

Love and Hugs - thinking of you sweetie!


Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 6:45pm

Dear Yellow,

You WILL survive this and thrive.  The feelings you're experiencing are consistent with loss and are completely normal.  I can tell you that lying around crying only makes it worse - for anybody.  You are a human being with feelings.

May I suggest going through the motions of extreme self care?  Exercise, eat clean/eat well, engage in activities that require a degree of concentration, be with people you love and have at least one good friend you can confide in/have tea with.  If you can find it within yourself to do this, it really helps.  Please try not to wallow.

And as others have said, post here often.  We are the most non-judgemental group there is for you, have walked in your shoes and made it to the other side.

Good luck and keep us posted.



Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 5:04pm

I can tell you, once it is done it will be done.

In my case she got married 5 months after the last contact.

It has been a relief. Knowing it is done. Anything less than completly done, would be too kinky, even for me.


We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 4:34pm

Thankyou my friends. I'm not going to his leaving lunch and will come home before they return. I fell apart today. But tomorrow will have my poker face on I hope. Conflicted as know it's the best outcome but wanting to say a final goodbye. I know, I know. But it's how I feel. It's scary to feel so raw yet again. And I'm fearful I will never feel better. Blah. You'd have thought I'd have got it by now lol! Yellow x

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Thu, 01-31-2013 - 4:00pm

As my Turkish father says, Gecmis olsun. "Let it be in your past."

So hard. Thinking of you.