xAP is making me feel so guilty!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
xAP is making me feel so guilty!!
15
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 5:21pm

Hi all,
I should say, it's not fair to say my xAP is making me feel guilty. i can choose how to feel. but, he recently sent me an email where he just went off on how hard it is for him to be without me, how much he loves me, how he's never experienced a love like this and he cannot believe how i could just let go of him, how he would treat me amazingly and would give anything to be given the chance to take care of me, etc.

i know he just needed to vent, maybe say things to me that he stopped himself from saying, but maybe now that he knows i've made my decision and am trying to move on, he feels like there's nothing to lose in telling me these things.

i do not begrudge him his feelings. but man do they make me feel like crap! i feel so horrible, like i used somebody and discarded them, like im breaking the heart of a man i wasn't even dating, that somebody loves me like crazy and im telling him i dont want him. i feel like a first class b*tch.

advice??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 9:58pm

"i love my xAP" REALLY or is it the EGO STROKING your getting from his pathetic behavior.

If you want to worry about being RUDE try stopping being rude to your H.U.S.B.A.N.D by playing this drama.

Ya I know I am being rude but someone has to say it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 10:44pm

yes, mfreenow, you're right. that was rude. i hope as a member of this board you can understand that we all lose our way sometimes.

lillie, thank you for your kind words. i hope that these feelings do abate. when i say i love my xAP, i mean it, but im not IN love with him, and i dont feel nearly as strongly as he does, and i dont feel as strongly about him as i do for my husband. it would be easier to cut him out if i could just be hateful and angry, but removing somebody from my life who i shared a lot with is hard. but as we all know, ultijmately, NC is best for everybody involved, and i just have to get past those weak moments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 11:20pm


"i hope as a member of this board you can understand that we all lose our way sometimes."

When we get lost what we need as a good road map to get back on the road not someone to just cry with us about the fact that we are lost again.

Having been the CL of this board for like 5 years I have learned the TRUTH really is the only thing that sets us free, pity parties are worthless even if they feel good for the moment.

NO CONTACT = NO NEW HURTS for anyone including the Xap so if you care about them enforce total no contact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 9:03am
i agree that truth is our only salvation in this situation. i did not mean to sound snappy, i'm just very sensitive about this topic. i spent a great deal of time asking myself what the truth really was. do i love my AP? do i love my H? why am i doing this? now i think a lot has become clearer to me. NOW i can say, my love for my H is much deeper and more beautiful. but it took months of agonizing to figure taht out, and throughout that entire period of ambivalence, i still ran to xAP when he demanded it, and ran back to H at the end of it. i allowed the two of them to tell me who i was and what i wanted. but that is ridiculous--i'm a smart, capable, independent woman. taking AP out of my life has been such an incredibly relief for me emotionally. its just sad because he was very good to me, and he is a good man overall. he is just not right for me. now i will have to make peace with that in my own way, over time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 10:25am

BLOCK BABY BLOCK...

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