xAP wont let go- need support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
xAP wont let go- need support!
14
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 5:28pm

Hi all,

Well, as long as iddy hasn't kicked me off the board yet, I could really use some support on an issue. xAP has been texting me all weekend, and saying really hurtful things. in a nutshell he is telling me that my marriage is based on a lie, that i'm lyin to myself and everybody in my life by pretending that what happened between us wasn't real. and that im a cold selfish person for removing him from my life. he's constantly trying to reach out to me, (yes, i blocked his email address altogether, but i cant block his # from my phone, i tried, there is no way).

he is also making thinly veiled threats about telling my H everything. his W knows but mines doesn't. i dont actually believe he'll do it, but i feel like he's trying to "guilt me" into being his friend! everybody here has consistently reinforced to me that
"no contact" is the only way to go, but i just don't know what to do. i texted him back to ask him to please stop saying hurtful things, that i'm sorry that i've chosen to end things but that trying to hurt/threaten me. he wrote back saying that although he can accept that things are over, the idea that i'd "abandon him" by cutting contact is analogous to taking a giant dump on everything we shared, and really unfair and unacceptable to him. he said he just wants some kind of relationship with me where we can just be friends, talk occassionally, etc. the idea that i'd cut him out of my life altogether is in his mind "something you dont do". i can think of a million logical retorts to his comments, but i'm just too exhausted to get into an argument about all of it.

i told him i'd email him later today with my thoughts. so guys...uh...what are my thoughts?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 4:40pm

thank you all :) ironically, he sent me an email apologizing for his texts. i ignored it. i have his emails automatically being sent to my trash. i have an iphone and i have at&t, and there is no way to block specific phone numbers.

i think its just going to take a lot of strength and perseverence to ignore. i think another poster's comment that he will eventually give up tryhing to contact me is helpful. its also good to know that i'm not the only one with an xAP who is pseudo-stalking them.

thanks guys :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 5:17pm

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 5:25pm

Hi Ex-

I am sorry you are dealing with this. I was lucky enough to have an xap who never fished. When it was over, that was it and I don't think he will ever contact me again (been out over 5 months now). In the beginning, I used to be jealous of those who received fishing attempts, but now I am so glad I dodged that bullet. I will echo what the others have said- block and walk. Do not respond. That is what he wants. I am sure it is hard for him to imagine life without you. We've all felt that way- but that's the way it is. You want to work on your M so that is your only choice.

Good luck.

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 5:39pm

I posted the original question about blocking on the iphone.

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