xMM came to house - question

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Registered: 10-06-2004
xMM came to house - question
4
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 5:09pm

As some of you know - Sunday is football day for my H and xMM and another friend.

I was feeling stronger last week - even though xMM had not called me for 8 days!! I was watching my best friends 5 month old - at my house. I was not going to run and leave my house anymore - even if that ment that I had to see xMM face before they left.

Our friend came in and and then a minute later xMM came in - I acted normal - I really did not talk to him - I just asked my H to hold the baby so I could have a smoke outside...I came back in - and took the baby and sat down. xMM did not say hardly anything at all the 20 min. that he was sitting on the other couch....

Then my H went outside, and our friend was in the kitchen - and xMM stood by the door and He did not smile and looked really tired and not too happy - kind of bla. xMM stopped at the front door and we had a good 6 second stare - not glare, just looking at eachothers eyes - he did not look mad but I could not tell if he was sad or feeling bad or what - just looking at eachother - then he looked out the front door for a few seconds and went out the door.

OK:
Is he hating me? should I call? he has not called.....I want to still be friends if it is possible.......do you think with with the story that you all know - that he is missing me? What did that long look mean?

Do I call? or is his not calling me even after yesterday his way of saying - goodbye forever? Am I analyzing too much?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 6:20pm

hi there Anna--
It is always hard when you have to run into the XMM like that!

***Is he hating me?***
Probably not--he probably just has a lot of mixed up feelings--just like the rest of us. But the bottom line is that IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE IS FEELING. What matters is the way you feel, and you WILL feel better when he is out of your system. Work on yourself, and don't take up brain power to think about his issues/problems/feelings...

***should I call? he has not called.***
No, don't call--other posts today tell of women who did call and then hated the fact that they did so. Calling won't accomplish anything. Because, again, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE IS FEELING. The only person who matters right now is you. Your path to peace lies with no contact, don't you think?

***I want to still be friends if it is possible.***
Anna, just ride it out and try to be tough about this. I am trying right now to maintain friendship, but I really truly think that trying to do that is almost impossible. I wish I could have no contact--in my situation trying to maintain a relationship for work purposes makes it much more difficult.

***do you think with with the story that you all know - that he is missing me? What did that long look mean?***
My guess is that he is--he wouldn't be human if he didn't have an empty spot where you used to be -- the time you spent together--in person or on the phone--took up a part of his life and now you're not there. He has a recovery time period just like the rest of us.

***Do I call? or is his not calling me even after yesterday his way of saying - goodbye forever? Am I analyzing too much?***
Sure, you are probably analyzing too much. But don't we all :-) I recommend no action!! You don't REALLY want him back, so there is no purpose in starting up a conversation that could send you backwards :-)

Hang in there!

Meg

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Registered: 10-06-2004
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 8:09pm

Actually Meg - I do want to be with him. And up until 2 weeks ago, he was saying that he does want to be with me but cant.

I am filing for a divorce after the holidays.

He had told his W that he also wants a divorce - but she is resisting and now playing like she has nothing to live for.

he stopped calling 10 days ago........and that look......all I wanted to know was if that was a look of missing me or regret of me......we just looked into eachothers eyes for a very long time. he did not say a word.................
I just never thought after his saying 10 days ago - that we are doing the right thing, but he wished he could hold me......
that he would not call again and then just stare at me -

He did not look well either - maybe he just did not expect that I was going to be home.
Do they really just stop caring for you - or is it that he feels he can not talk to me anymore????




Edited 11/22/2004 8:27 pm ET ET by annakarena
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 11-22-2004 - 8:32pm

hi there Anna--

I remember your story now. Sorry I didn't have all the details at the top of my mind when i replied. Much of what I said still applies, however I think you need to give it time. Let him get through the $@%# he is going through--if you guys are meant to be together, it will happen. If he calls you, tell him you understand that he's going through a lot right now and let him know that you are there to provide him with support if he needs it, but that you want him to be able to get through things in his own way and in his own time. He will probably appreciate that. Then step back and don't crowd him. He is likely going through a pretty bad time, and once that's over, and your D is over, then you both will be free to explore the possibilities of a real relationship.

Good luck--my thoughts are with you :-)

Meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Tue, 11-23-2004 - 12:11pm

OMG........
I so want to call him as say to him that I hope he still thinks of me as a friend...and that I hope he does not think ill of me.

Please help me not to call...........

The more I think of that look, the more I think it was not a good one.