XMM's birthday
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| Wed, 06-16-2004 - 9:42am |
Dharma pointed out that XMM probably wanted me to think about him last week because his birthday is this week. If he was like any one of my other friends, I'd at least send him a card, if not a little gift as well. It feels so unnatural to just let the day go by and not contact him - but I know I won't. And I totally expect to receive a bunch of drunk texts that night and the next morning from XMM, sad, lonely, miserable, that I didn't recognize his birthday.
For those of you on the other side of the NC, those that did not initiate, take heart that your XMM is most probably still thinking about you and hurting, like I am. I don't want to hurt XMM for anything in the world. I don't want to ignore his birthday. I'd love nothing more than to take him out for dinner and enjoy spending a few hours with him just catching up. But I know that it's impossible, and it would only cause more harm. I've finally gotten my feelings about XMM and the A in a somewhat comfortable place, and I don't dare risk screwing that up. Plus, my marriage is better than ever because DH and I have been working very hard on rebuilding. It just wouldn't made sense to jeopardize any of that. And, it wouldn't really be good for the XMM, either.
If I sent him a card or called him, it might give him some hope that I'm still in it with him, or that this NC is just a phase I'm going thru. I'm done playing head games with him. He's entitled to enjoy his birthday without any interference from me.
And a call or a card would just be a set-up, because I don't intend to resume the A or have regular contact with him again. So he'd feel good for the day, and then be disappointed again that the contact stopped abruptly again.
This is really, really difficult. If only Hallmark made cards that said something like, "even though our A is over and I don't love you in a romantic way anymore, and I'm rebuilding my marriage, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday!!!!" Sigh. Love, Mo.


I love the card idea too :)
If you continue NC, which you will, next year you won't even realize it is his birthday. THank of the beauty of that.
I have been and may be in his situation right now, I'm not sure who started our NC (OM justed walked in my office grabbed a file and left as I am typing this) anyway, I'm sure your XMM is pouting, but be strong and don't contact, you are the winner, look you already said your marriage is better. That is the way it is supposed to be. Good luck.