XMM's birthday

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
XMM's birthday
3
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 9:42am
Hello all! Well, many of you no doubt saw my last post, that the XMM was at it in the middle of the night again, sending me text messages. I so resent that because I realize that since last Friday morning when I saw the text message, I've casually checked my phone every morning for another text message from XMM. UGH! How easily they can reel us back in!!!! At this point, I feel like its more an emotional hostage-taking...

Dharma pointed out that XMM probably wanted me to think about him last week because his birthday is this week. If he was like any one of my other friends, I'd at least send him a card, if not a little gift as well. It feels so unnatural to just let the day go by and not contact him - but I know I won't. And I totally expect to receive a bunch of drunk texts that night and the next morning from XMM, sad, lonely, miserable, that I didn't recognize his birthday.

For those of you on the other side of the NC, those that did not initiate, take heart that your XMM is most probably still thinking about you and hurting, like I am. I don't want to hurt XMM for anything in the world. I don't want to ignore his birthday. I'd love nothing more than to take him out for dinner and enjoy spending a few hours with him just catching up. But I know that it's impossible, and it would only cause more harm. I've finally gotten my feelings about XMM and the A in a somewhat comfortable place, and I don't dare risk screwing that up. Plus, my marriage is better than ever because DH and I have been working very hard on rebuilding. It just wouldn't made sense to jeopardize any of that. And, it wouldn't really be good for the XMM, either.

If I sent him a card or called him, it might give him some hope that I'm still in it with him, or that this NC is just a phase I'm going thru. I'm done playing head games with him. He's entitled to enjoy his birthday without any interference from me.

And a call or a card would just be a set-up, because I don't intend to resume the A or have regular contact with him again. So he'd feel good for the day, and then be disappointed again that the contact stopped abruptly again.

This is really, really difficult. If only Hallmark made cards that said something like, "even though our A is over and I don't love you in a romantic way anymore, and I'm rebuilding my marriage, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday!!!!" Sigh. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 10:23am
Mo, good for you!!! You are so doing the right thing, and hearing how you are being strong about not allowing yourself to be reeled back in, and really working on getting your M on track -- it's very inspirational. And I so appreciate hearing your side of things, because I would say I am on the other end of things -- although not unwillingly; xMM ended things, but we were in agreement that it was the only way to go... Anyway, my birthday is coming up in a month, and I am really curious as to whether or not xMM will acknowledge it. Even though I really am feeling good about the end of the A and the current state of my life, I know a part of me will be disappointed if I don't hear from him, but I will keep in mind everything you wrote here! And I'll probably post about my disappointment and you can remind me again about why I shouldn't feel that way! ;-)


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 10:38am
What a good post. It helps to see the "other side" of NC. I would hope that xMM feels the same way about me but who knows. Mine and xMM's birthday are a day apart in September. His is first and how I wish mine was first to see if he would contact me. As far away as it is and I really shouldn't even be concerned about it, I have pondered if I should drop him a birthday wish. Then I think to myself - Why? It will only do more harm than good. And your post emphasizes every reason why I do not want to contact him. It will just lead to a one day high and put me right back at square one.

I love the card idea too :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 10:58am
You are funny.

If you continue NC, which you will, next year you won't even realize it is his birthday. THank of the beauty of that.

I have been and may be in his situation right now, I'm not sure who started our NC (OM justed walked in my office grabbed a file and left as I am typing this) anyway, I'm sure your XMM is pouting, but be strong and don't contact, you are the winner, look you already said your marriage is better. That is the way it is supposed to be. Good luck.