the XMM's W had an EMA....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
the XMM's W had an EMA....
1
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 2:42am
My xMM confided to me that his W had had a brief EMA (after our EMA)They went to counciling a few times; I asked if he'd confessed OUR relationship. He said he hadn't, and wouldn't. They did not keep up with the counciling, so he says. He's still in the M b/c of two very young DC. He's told me he loves me and had contemplated calling me after her confession but didn't, "in case they got back together". They are still together. I'm still trying to maintain NC but I'm wondering if he'll use her EMA as leverage in ending the M. How terrible am I for wishing that he would leave her???

I'm trying to move on from this. I tell myself he'll never leave her, even if he doesn't trust her anymore, he still wants contact w/ his kids.

Anyone out there ever have anything similar occur?

Grace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:43am
Hi Grace,

Yes, the reason we finally ended our A was because XMM discovered his wife having her 2nd (possibly third) EMA... The reason we got together in the first place is because I was the friend he confided in about her first EMA; in fact he credited me with helping him to forgive her and stay in the marriage the first time, back when we were just friends. Oh, the ironies.

After the second big discovery last Thanksgiving, XMM had two choices, and there was no way for the A to continue in either one: a.)He could divorce his wife -- and he knew that I was not ever going to do the same so that we could be together, and we both always said that our A could not continue if one of us was single; or b.) He could stay and work on the marriage, which he obviously could not do with any integrity at all if we were still seeing each other. He chose to do B, which I admire him for, regardless of the fact that I think he may be letting his enormous fear of being alone cloud his judgement. I am fairly sure that he has NOT admitted our EMA to her, but I think now that he has been involved in an A with me, he is better equipped to deal with hers, and he also understands that our A probably contributed to the problems that led her to her second A. He has been good about sticking to NC and has moved across the country for his wife's job, is doing all the right things to work on his M. And I am wishing him nothing but the best. I really, really hope it works out for him.

In some ways, her EMA was the answer to my prayers. I had been praying for the strength to end this A for a l-o-n-g time, but never could do it on my own. It was a drastic event that finally made the decision for both of us.