XOM called me late last night

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
XOM called me late last night
2
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 9:55am

Just an example to you all about how the fence sitting may never end....

My XOM called me late last night. He started talking about some stuff that is going on with his ex wife and his new job. I think he was calling because he needed some support, which used to make me feel needed and important but now I see as selfishness and him being self absorbed. I told him that I didn't understand what was going on in his head. He gave me a whole song and dance how he can't have a relationship with me because it is so wrong and he needs to go to confession about it and live a "true" life. Doesn't that mean goodbye. He told me that this isn't goodbye, that he still wants me in his life. I said "Okay, so what you're saying is that you want to be friends? Because I love you too much to be your friend. I can't sit by and watch you go on with your life, hear about your new girlfriends, etc". He said "we can never just be friends, we love eachother too much, but I need you in my life". Well that really isn't goodbye is it? I told him that up until now he has been making all the decisions about where are relationship went......It is time for me to make some decisions. In other words I'm getting my power back...up until now I handed it all over to him.

I have to start NC. I can't go on with my life and get the occasional "how you doing" phone call from him. I don't understand why he doesn't understand that. By continuing to talk to me he is sitting on the fence..and I'm no better for taking his calls.

I think that by doing NC we are taking control of a situation that seems so out of control. That is why NC is so good for us. We need to take our power back because these relationships have such control over us! I never understood the NC thing...I would always ask This sucks...why do i have to do this? Maybe there just is no other way to move on. i want to run away from here and marry my XOM. That is fantasy. I have responsiblities, children and a marraige that although it is on paper only is still a marriage. It is time to grow up. ANd time to stop answering that phone when it rings.

Thanks for listening to me rant this morning. I'm feeling pretty down, the holidays approaching doesn't help.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 3:23pm

"I think he was calling because he needed some support, which used to make me feel needed and important but now I see as selfishness and him being self absorbed. "


I can totally relate to what you are saying. I also felt *needed* when OM wanted to talk to me about what was going on. What is it about us women that need to be needed? :p


Anyway the last time we spoke, he was rambling on about his problems and then he asked me how my day went. I started to tell him and he kept interrupting me with things about him. I said "look, if you want to talk go ahead, I don't mind." and he said no, he wanted to hear about my day. So I started again and he did the same thing. lol


It really struck me then, it was all me, me, me, me. Now I realize I was incredibly selfish too in the A. I wanted him to need me, want me, and well you know the drill. But when I suddenly saw him as soooo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 3:47pm

Well you know I