XOM called yesterday

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
XOM called yesterday
4
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 8:06am

The fact that I changed my cell phone number and put anonymous call rejectiono on my land line didn't stop him. He actually had the gabanzos to call my house at 8:23am yesterday morning. He didn't leave a message. I didn't hear the phone I was in the bathroom. I didn't see it on my caller ID until I got home in the afternoon. I had to run around and delete it from all the caller ID"s in the house, if H saw that number I'd be up crap's creek.

I don't know how I feel. Like I told a friend yesterday i am so full of different emotions that it isn't even like I don't WANT to talk to him...I just CAN"T. This is the first time that I'm the one initiating NC and really sticking to it. In a way I feel sorry for him because he must be confused about what is going on. It isn't even like I said goodbye or anything, I just disappeared.

This is so much better than expecting him to call. Sitting around and waiting for the crumbs he can hand me when he feels like it. That kind of dynamics would have torn me apart. This is so much better. I'm sure by now he received the gift that I had for him with no note or explanation. I'm glad that I sent it, keeping it would have depressed the heck out of me, throwing it out was not an option, it had religious significance.

Well I"m off to have a real life today. Christmas shopping and all the other "stuff" that I have to do. I thought NC during the holidays would be tough, but I actually like the diversion.

I'm not dwelling on the fact that he called here. I don't feel guilty, and I'm not even that concerned about what he's feeling. Wow, thats a big step for me...Miss Codependent of the year.

You guys are great, I wish you all a good day. Stay strong, stay focused.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 9:48am

I'm curious why you chose to just disappear and not just tell him it's over?

Is saying the words too difficult and too final? Did he do something that was unforgivable? Do you hate him?

I don't want to be judgemental, we all have to do things in our own way. But I know if he had done that to me, the anguish would kill me.

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 12-15-2004 - 8:18pm
Oh but we DID say goodbye in person. However he wanted to "keep me in his life" kind of thing and that would just torture me. In fact it was over for quite a few weeks before I changed my number. Trust me, I didn't just drop out of sight to make him crazy or to be spiteful.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 1:18am

SCU, I hope you had a great time shopping.....


Stick to your guns with your NC. You're doing great!


xMM will eventually fade away.....after all, you ALREADY said:


GOOD-BYE!!!!!!!


He is just a little hard of hearing right now.


His ears will heal as he keepsw gettiing the same silent message.......


Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 12-16-2004 - 7:44pm

Thanks Noregrets, that means alot coming from you! I bow before you, then Ending Affair Guru and spiritual adviser.

But seriously, I am doing well. Never before have I been this determined to stick to NC. He called my house yesterday and then again today when H was home. I freaked because his number was on the caller ID. (i have anonymous call rejection and I thought that he would take a hint). I said Hello? He said HELLO..whats going on. I said look, I really cant talk and I can't have you calling here and leaving your number on the caller ID. Please stop. He said "well your cell phone isn't working (duh) and I was hoping that if u saw my number you would call back..(more denial on his part). I said Look, I really can't talk to you now, okay?...and he said okay and I hung up.

Then I felt bad...for like ten minutes....He is the one that said we couldn't be together anymore, so why all this denial? I'm giving him what he wanted.

Oh well, I'm not really thinking about him right now. I'm thinking about me and this crappy marriage that I have to get out of. I have bigger fish to fry. I'm not even missing the great sex anymore, that is how disgusted of him and his antics I am.

Looks like SCU has grown up a bit, huh?

Jazzdiva