XOM e-mailed to say he got "tested" and

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
XOM e-mailed to say he got "tested" and
3
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 1:17pm
"he is fine". Here's a little background on us. XOM and I work together and basically on a whim became involved in December. It was really one of those things that just happened. I was in his office for a meeting and we ended up screwing on a couch. It was the first tme I have ever cheated on my H. XOM is 21 years older then me which I found very appealing. It was supposed to be a one time only thing, but turned into an affair. It was short lived and I called it off after about 6 weeks because I was becoming very emotionally involved and was consumed with guilt. NC is not possible since we work together and see each other all day long. XOM has tried to do the right thing and keep his distance, but we do occassionally e-mail each other and we try to be friendly. I am still very attracted to him and fight the urge constantly to be with him just one more time, but I am choosing to do the right thing for my marriage and stay away.

Out of the blue yesterday I get an e-mail from him. It's work related, but on the bottom is a little sentence that says "my doctor just called with the results of my blood test. I am all clear." My immediate reaction was WHAT THE F--K? I e-mailed him back and basically said....."Why did you even get tested and why are you telling me this? I have no concerns that I may have "caught" something from you and it makes me sad to think you are concerned about me giving you something." I was obviously defensive. Just him getting tested made me feel kind of "dirty" for lack of a better word. He left me a voice mail saying he only got tested because he was having his cholesterol checked and figured what the heck, why not check for everything else since he had never been, it wasn't about me.

If I think about the situation rationally I shouldn't be hurt or angry about him getting tested. it is the responsible thing for anyone to do, but it still feels a little hurtful. I think I am the only person he has been with since his divorce (2 years ago) so I would be the only person he could catch something from and him and I have talked before. He knows he is the only person I have been with except my husband since I got married 8 years ago. Further, I had a baby 2 years ago and was of course tested for everything and had nothing. Still, he must think I'm some kind of slut and he needs to be worried. I know screwing him in his office out of the blue could probably give a guy that impression, but since then we have talked numerous times and he knows that was a totally out of character act for me.

I don't even know why I care or am getting mad. It was just a shock that he had been tested....I never evn considered that he might have something to give me, so it's weird to think he didn't feel the same. I e-mailed him with basically what I said here and ended it with "I'm not expecting you to e-mail me back and tell me you don't think I'm a slut, I just wanted you to know where I was coming from". He didn't respond, but called me this morning to see if I wanted something from Starbucks...go figure.

What do you all think?

BadGirl

BadGirl

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Obviously he felt the need to tell you about his test results. Honestly, who cares what he's thinking. Asking you if you want something from Starbucks just proves that he's taking a very nonchalant attitude to the fact that the two of you screwed on a couch.

What I find disturbing is the fact that you never thought to protect yourself....You didn't think it was possible to catch something from him? Is he so clean that you risked your health? Do yourself a favor, if you want to have an A then learn how to use a condom. Hetereosexuals do die from HIV. I know atleast two people who have. And if it isn't HIV you get it can be something else which is treatable but not fun to have.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 12:40pm
We DID use a condom! Each and every time! I guess that's part of the reason why it was confusing to me. Of course I am aware you can "catch" these things just from contact and not actual se-, but I figured we we're being fairly safe.

BadGirl

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
well then he's just being a dope. Ignore him, or tell him that if you wanted to know his medical information you would have asked him.

Jazzdiva