xOM, NC & hard decisions!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
xOM, NC & hard decisions!!!
6
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 12:07pm

6 days ago I called it off w/ OM. I asked for NC except for a few hours on Sunday evening when we bowl together on a team. During the few hours on Sunday, my H will be there so I didn’t think OM would try to get too close.

Well, I blocked my e-mail & my cell phone from receiving messages from OM. (Not because I want to but because I think it’s what’s best for us)

Anyway, I never imagined OM would go to such extremes to get a message to me. Saturday morning I woke up to my dog barking at something. When I got up to see what was going on and found an envelope lying just inside the doggy door. Inside was a letter with the following written on it:

Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I’m always wrapped up in things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I’m sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold
Never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep it always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me there’s just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

I think it’s words from a song….I’m just glad I found the note and not my H!!!

I guess what I need to know is how do I enforce NC without a restraining order. Here’s the problem…I still love OM & would love to be with him but I realize my M is more important & I want to give 100% to my H! I don’t want to hurt OM either.

Anyone with a situation like this??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 12:45pm

<<<>>>

WHAT a totally disrepectful thing for this man to do. All he was thinking about was himself. You've got a narcissist on your hands, possibly even a stalker. They don't take rejection lightly and this kind of behavior proves it. Just how much DID you tell your husband about him? (think I read in one of your posts you said something to him).

I am really sorry that this has happened. You may have to put all of your cards out on the table if you can't find a way to make this man back off. I know you still care from what you've posted, but ask yourself why? To me, he sounds VERY immature and selfish.

Good luck,

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 1:22pm
H knows EVERYTHING except about the IC. Like I said in another post, I believe H could read btw the lines about the IC. H is very committed to our M and so am I. We are friends with OM too. Yes, OM is immature & I'd have a conversation w/ him about this but I really want NC. What a mess I've gotten myself into! : (
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 3:21pm

<<>>

I can totally understand the NC thing. But I am wondering, if this guy has the audacity to approach your house uninvited, what other lengths will he go to? Are you not afraid that he will spill the beans to your H about the IC once he finds out you've told your H everything else? Or does he already know you've talked to your H? I'm going to assume that OM doesn't know about your conversation with H simply based on his defiant actions with the note.

I don't know sweetie. I'd be scared to death to go to bowling. Was you H planning on speaking to him? Or just keeping an eye on him? If there are heated words exchanged, grab you H's arm and leave PDQ. Go home, and then TALK to him. You will know what to say when you look into his eyes. DO NOT LIE. Lies only get you in deeper.

Be brave,

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 3:52pm

H plans to stay close. Told H about the note. Figured I had nothing to lose. Don't think OM will say anything..scared of H.. (H is a rather muscular big guy) : ) Will update later, after bowling.

Thanks for the support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 7:40pm
I think I might get bashed for this, but if this were MY MM, I would almost be excited that he would go through such great lengths for me. It's obvious that he still cares about you quite a bit, and that would make me feel good. However, It is also clear that he hasn't respected your desire to maintain NC. Maybe he doesn't think you really mean it, or is wondering how far he has to go to get you back. I would say, if you really want NC, you have to be VERY firm and clear, because my MM always said that if there is even a HINT of yes in your no, it still means yes to him. If he still doesn't stop, I would take drastic measures, even if it means invoving a restraining order. Be happy you have your H to lean on!!! Good Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 8:43am

No bashing!! Honest opinions are always welcome! Yes, it is a little exciting to know that OM cares that much!

A little update: I didn't plan on saying a whole lot to OM last night, as my H was to be close by but the downtown area in our city caught fire & my H was called away to the scene. This left me pretty much alone w/ OM. At least we were in a public place so I knew there wouldn't be any "displays". I didn't want to say much so I stayed close to his mom, talking to her. He finally approached me & simply said: "I love you, I know you love me. I also know you love your H. I don't want to hurt you in any way. If I can't have you in my life as my lover then I must have you in my life as my friend, please don't push me away."

That was all he said then walked off. Of course my bowling went to HE*# after that! LOL

About an hour later he approached me and asked if I would meet him this afternoon to talk. (In a public place) I told him that I didn't think it would be a good idea & that we had already talked this out once. He says that he wasn't ready to end our A but now he is accepting my decision & he just wants us to talk so he can get "closure".

I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid that if I meet him that he'll some how suck me back in..could it be a mental trap? If I don't meet him, will I destroy a friendship that we both need & want?

The one thing that I am doing is being HONEST w/ my H. I told him EVERYTHING that was said last night & also told him about the potential meeting. Poor baby...I think he was too tired to comprehend but he did tell me to do what I felt I needed to do.

Any opinions?