YAMACRAW..... Just curious.............

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
YAMACRAW..... Just curious.............
13
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 3:03pm
YAMACRAW..... I was just scanning the old posts and came across yours from 11/7.

Has your anniversary trip taken place yet? If so, how did it go? How did you do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 3:57pm
Hey. Thanks for asking. It is coming up next week. I am nervous about it. We just don't have that "fire" when it comes to intimacy, never have. I suspect that she is going to try to initiate something. One reason that I regret the A is that now I know what it is like to really be sexually compatible with someone. Before, I did not know. I will always be comparing my W to OW in that regard. My head just spins. I just don't have that kind of sexual attraction for my W. I hope it will get better. It is easy while trying to have a child to say "okay, it is time". It is more difficult to be spontaneous. It will be "time", though, while we are on our trip. Maybe that will help.

Jon

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 4:20pm
Your post makes me feel very sad, for you and for me. It does not give me much hope for the MC that my husband and I are starting tomorrow. I know through A that I can acheive emotional and sexual intamacy- will I ever get the same feelings with H?

I am going to try and not compare H with OM, and value all the good that is in my H. Perhaps some spark will take us back to the feelings that we had when we were first married.

I hope you both can be spontaneous on your trip and that you can forget for just a little bit what you left behind at home. Good luck!

Sea
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 4:28pm
Yamacraw-

Wow- not only do we have the exact same issue, but I am starting our "rekindle" vacation next week! I don't compare H or xOM though, b/c xOM couldn'ty comapre to H in other ways, so its apples and oranges. Try not to have expectations. Try to relax about it. Thats what I am doing. Lets fill eachother in after next week. Good luck.

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 5:37pm
Oh you can forget me ever having sex with H again...Ive learned WAY too much!!!!!LOL

But seriously, it is sad when we found sexual compatibility with someone else and we don't desire our spouses anymore or as much. Maybe there is no solution for that, its jut something that we have to live with.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 5:42pm
<<>>

I am not sure I can spend the next 30 years just living with it. Once you've had a bite of the chocolate truffle, don't you always want more?

Sea
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 10:11pm
Yes, I believe you do. That is why (I hope) that I can remember NRE's experiences and realize that I may be headed for more A's if I am not able to rebuild my M to a relationship that is good for me. If I ever find myself about to become involved in another A, I pray to God that I will have the sense to understand what is happening and realize that my M IS NOT right for me and I am not being fullfilled. At that point, I hope that I will have the courage to leave, as so many of you ladies have done.

Jon

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 10:38pm
"I suspect that she is going to try to initiate something".

When she does or when you think she's even TRYING to....R.E.L.A.X and just go with it. The ONLY thought on your mind at that moment should be what you two are doing.

The day of the trip, heck, this entire week....your thoughts should be about what is at stake and how desperately you want your marriage to work! The second you allow your mind to begin wondering and comparing W to OW...you've LOST what you're desperately trying to find with your wife!

If you allow yourself to go with the moment, you just may learn that your wife can teach you some new moves. And if not, then cut your loses sooner rather than later.

BTW, YOU adding large doses of romance and creativity won't hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 12:08am

Yamacraw, I agree with caring4me...relax and focus on a good time with your wife...and don't forget to get a box of truffles and some pretty flowers......


jmo,


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 1:58am
OK guys, "a box of truffles and some pretty flowers" are nice but this is an anniversary! A nice piece of jewelry certainly would score more points.

JMO

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 8:52am
This is a clarification for She and Jon-

My comment of once tasting the chocolate truffle, referred to feeling desire and connectivity with another person and once having that, not being able to settle for less for the rest of your life. The options are to find it again in M or divorce and find feelings with another available person. I was not referencing returning to or starting an A at all!

Sea

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