Yay! A positive ending...
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 03-25-2005 - 7:02am |
Wow. After having an affair with a MM for a year and a half with someone I work very closely with it's all over. There was the 'usual' terbulance--got I was a wreck...I really loved him and thought it would work. I can't even believe I became the person I did; I never knew it was in me to be this person. I put everything I had into our relationship so that in the end (which I did always know was inevitable) I could never wonder "what would've happened if I had...". I did it all.
It ended very badly right after Christmas but we still had to work together and it was awful. I could barely keep it together. Weeks passed and we did 'our thing' to resolve our problems--we got drunk, stayed up all night and were back to being able to laugh and talk to each other. But not back into the affair. There is no doubt that we would have fallen back into our patterns in no time and i didn't want that. I just don't have the self control to say no. I wanted to be away from him because being around him was and is just too hard. We have a chemistry that is just unbelievable. Well anyway I got a new job--a better job. And we worked our last night together tonight and it was just fantastic. We were sad together and happy to be together (bartenders...). Saying goodbye to him tonight was so hard and so liberating at the same time. I would have loved nothing better than for him to have said all the right things so that life was different but IT ISN"T different. We hugged and kissed cheeks. I held his head in my hands and thanked him for the ride home. When I got home I text messaged him to "keep in touch and have a nice summer" (you know like in your old year books).
I'm sad but in a different way than usual whan it comes to him. I'm sad without feeling like I'm an idiot. I'm sad without wondering what happens next...what is next in the drama that was our relationship. It's over and we can laugh together. I know he loves me. I know he is terribly broken up over this situation. I know he has the emotional abilities of a teenager. I know that we will always look at each other and want to be together. And I finally know now that it is OVER.
I know that there will be moments and days when I am crushed about it all. And I know that it will be some time before I stop feeling like I have been cheated out of being with someone who could have been fantastic. God, I'm just so glad to know that i'm separated from him and won't be able to look at him or touch him so i can really move on. Yay!
Moving on!!!!

Good for you!!!!
It seems easier when the good-bye, ending is without animosity. There will be days where you want to reconnect and may even contact him...but your thinking for now is on the right track. Keep being positive.
SS