A year out! (long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
A year out! (long)
2
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 3:17pm

The past year has been a whirlwind of pain, self exploration and redemption, among other things. A year ago I was going through withdrawal from my A so badly that I never thought I would recover. But I was wrong. Though I am not fully recovered, I now believe that I will be. So what this year has given me above all else .... is hope.


About Me: I have learned through IC this year is that I have a deep feeling of being unlovable, as well as a fear of abandonment. So I have dug deep to get to the root of these issues and though it was painful, I have felt healing through it all. I have learned to take FULL responsibility for my actions in response to my feelings, but also to be able to acknowledge that it is ok to face the fact that I was hurt by others in the past. I am still discovering who I really am, as I lost that, even before the A. But I will find it again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 6:21pm

Dear HeartacheA7Y,

What a difference a year makes, eh? You have come so far and to be honest here, even after a year the journey continues on. I don't think it ever completely ends, because all that you have learned and now understand, will be part of you forever. An experience like this changes us, and for most, it will be for the better. Only those who refuse to let go, who resist the need for personal change, who live in the past, and who reject accountability, will continue to suffer.

Life is too short to condemn ourselves for having gone down this road. We made a wrong turn is all, and we can self correct at any time. You are doing this, and I am very proud of you. Your Aunt is right. The day will come when XAP will be just another man on the street if you were to pass him. The pain and anger we hold onto is really not toward them as much as it is toward how we disappointed ourselves. Learning to forgive ourselves and the poor choices we made is what our journey will teach us as we go through the process.

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They will fade with time. The key is not to attach any importance to them...and just ride the waves until they pass. The day will come when all of them have been washed back out to sea.

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We must always have hope...the real kind, not false hope like you find in an A. Living a life on maybes and promises will always have you waiting on the edge of life, and not being part of it.

Thank you for sharing your year out story. I would consider this a success story so if you'd like to add it too our "Place for Success Stories" thread in the HL, we would be honored.

Love and hugs,

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 7:29pm

Thank you so much for posting. Hope... what a great thing to have. I am so happy you have found it. I am 1 week away from the 6 month mark and boy, what a difference even half a year makes. I can't wait to reach the year mark and post here for the newbies. It's those who made it that give hope to those just starting out. Much love to you.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/