years past but still feel bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
years past but still feel bad
3
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 12:26pm
i


Edited 9/28/2005 11:49 pm ET ET by srfgrl55
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 2:43pm

Why don't you have a long talk about why he is having these dreams. Does he not trust you? Is he worried that you are not committed to him? What is the underlying cause of these dreams? Maybe he in fact cheated on you. I think that if it happened once a long time ago it probably has nothing to do with what is happening in your relationship now. The choice to tell or not is a difficult one and although I did tell my H I would not recommend it to everyone. It causes so much pain. If there is another way to fix the relationship I would seriously consider that route. Communication is the key here, what are his dreams trying to tell him and what is he trying to tell you?

Good luck with your decision....kc

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 3:54pm

SR

Are you sure he does not know at some level and has just denied it and barried below the surface. It may be that you will have to talk about it with him...years have come and gone and your not school kids anymore, perhaps in the office of a councelor who can help deal with all the emotions that are clearly bothering you both.

Good luck

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 06-25-2005 - 5:22pm

You may want to remember to keep the focus of discussions on the PRESENT time, rather than what you did in the past. The dreams are happening now, not way back when.....


As such, ask BF what is happening CURRENTLY in your relationship that leads him to believe that you're cheating on him. You can truthfully tell him that you are not cheating on him and leave it at that. Bringing up the past at this point probably would be a disaster. So don't. I believe something from the present time is triggering the dreams.


OR as someone else posted, perhaps BF has had his own dalliance and is trying to shift his guilt onto you rather than face his own behaviors.


OR perhaps there was a GF before you that cheated and BF isn't feeling self-confident at the moment about his relationship with you.


Either way, continued conversations focused on the present hopefully will bring resolution.


I disagree with your self-assessment that you are "just continuing to lie". You're not in an affair and you've no interest in pursuing an affair. The converse of that is that you're living an honest life with your BF and looking forward to continuing to do so with him. And that IS the truth......


cl-nre