You all are so right

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2008
You all are so right
5
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 10:11pm
O.K. I concede. I am seeing that you all are so right about NC being the only way to stop the pain. I did a bad thing tonight and reached out to him. I was having a problem at work, and although it was not necessary to contact him, I did it anyway. I leaned on him again!! Well, I think it only made me hurt more. Although he listened and seemed kind of sympathetic, he was also indifferent. He has changed. I think he has been doing the "no contact" thing here lately and I have not been paying attention. I think it actually pained him to call me! I have the feeling that he didn't really want to call me but it sounded like a pretty serious problem I was having and so he did. But now I am depressed. I let him have the control back for a minute and it friggin hurts! I wish I did not contact him...but as someone on here said, it is a process. No drug addict ever just quit cold turkey. They did it gradually. I probably will have LC since I work with him, but 2010 needs to be different. My new year's resolution: Stay away from EAP! I will still have the scars for awhile, but I am refusing to make any
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 10:43pm

Of course we are right! :)


We know because we've been there done that and hope that by repeating the mantra NC = NO NEW HURT (I mean haven't we had enough?), we are hoping to prevent others


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 6:27pm

I tried on and off for 2 1/2 years to be friends with my XMM. I was for sure that I was going to be the one to beat the odds. I planned on coming back here and post all about it. Well........it didn't happen. Not b/c I didn't try, b/c I did. The truth is that even though I am in a much better place with my H, I still have some unresolved feelings for xMM below the surface. As soon as we would have a great friendly conversation, my feelings for him would bubble up and I would want more. I would leave or get off of the phone feeling so empty. I was wasting my life on something that just can never be.


I too admit...the vets here know....NC=NNH....

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 7:23pm

I have noticed on these boards how hard people are on themselves whenever they make a mistake. Somehow human weakness, human frailty shouldn't be tolerated in oneself. This is always particularly telling when love is involved because love is such a powerful emotion, and tapping in to it, rightly or wrongly doesn't involve an on/off switch.


When

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 9:33pm

Good for you Mom on your New Year's resolution!


It takes a while to fully understand what we are doing each time we contact them. Just like a drug you get a fix and it usually feels good. Problem with A's much like drugs we don't get the same high after awhile. It takes more of the drug (usually in the form of attention) to get that same feeling.


We speak of methadone once in a while around here on EAS and some say that they wish they had it to deal with the A withdraws.


Well I guess truth is a form of methadone because when we start seeing the A for what it really is...it's like taking "a dose of truth". The dose of truth doesn't allow us the same high

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Thu, 12-24-2009 - 12:35pm

loved your post!!!!