You guys are gonna be disappointed in me
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| Mon, 01-17-2005 - 9:55am |
The four of us got together this weekend, me and H and XMM and his W. We're all friends, so, that's a normal thing to do..right? Well there were a few times throughout the night where we were left alone. The first time he leaned over and gave me a quick kiss. The next time, however, I was walking past him and he grabbed my hand...and pulled me to him. So yes, we embraced and we kissed..all the feelings we had no outlet for all this time came out in a few minutes we were left alone.
How am I today? I don't regret saying yes to their invitation, but I DO regret letting my emotions come out the way they did. It is VERY clear to me that we cannot be alone together. I am not over here beating myself up, and there is no chance of me bending my "no private contact" rule, just because of what happened. I'm trying to take it for what is was...which was an opportunity for all the pent-up emotions to show it's ugly head.
There is no getting over the attraction we have for each other is there? I have no self-control when I am alone with him, nor does he when he is around me. I know those of you that are "healed" from your A will give me all kinds of words like "you are stronger then you think" etc., but I will come right out and admit this without shame .. damn do I miss his touch! Why does being in his arms feel so right?! (and did I have some vivid sexual fantasies after I left there too!!)
I guess as long as I stick to my guns and do not see him privately, its about all I can expect of myself. Emotionally, I still feel strong..but physical attraction seems impossible to overcome.

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Pup
I know it was a rough post but it was written based on the experience of past posters who thought they would not get caught doing exactly the same thing in the same way, needless to say they did and the results were not pretty. Never kid yourself that you have all the angles covered you never do... who know if one of your spouses suspects he/she may have tried to sneak in on you.
""sort of like a junkie that says 'just one more fix'.""
You hit the nail right on the head and that is how most women need to treat it.
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