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You guys "Rock!"
| Sun, 02-27-2011 - 9:17am |
Reading the board this morning was exhilarating. I was so impressed by some of the stuff I read from last night, I've decided to put it in a thread of it's own. I would like to keep this thread current with your help and input. If you read something in a thread that provides an "Aha" moment for you, please copy and paste it as a reply. Good job, fellow Enders!

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getting stronger~
You wont miss the thing that caused the pain, but you will miss the feelgoods that came before the pain.
This comes from a very old post by transitiongirl written after her dday
"THERE IS NOT FANTASY ENDING. EVER. IT'S NOTHING BUT PAIN AND SUFFERING & HUMILIATION & MORE PAIN"
V888
xxxxx
Here's another oldie by Bandk, that resonates with me.
What were we thinking? Did we think of the A as our private little life? I think I might have. I actually thought I deserved it - the A, the attention, the freedom, the chance to love again. Ha,ha, who was I kidding!! Myself for sure. My H is a good man but never was one to shower me with attention. I have lots of beautiful things, a gorgeous home, the jewelry, the cars. But yet I was willing to take chances and throw caution out the window. For what?
but, hey... about missing all the 'feel goods'; let's also consider that some of us were looking for 'feel goods' but got also addicted to the 'feel bads'!
Sunrise's Husband:
Sunrise asked him if he thought she was a woman of integrity.
He replied in a loving and kind way,
E1~
However it is vitally important to realize the small steps that got us into the A. The moving of boundaries; the choices we made; the bargaining with ourselves; the justification; the entitlement and the idea that we were in control of ourselves and the situation when in reality it was just the opposite. When this type of faulty thinking creeps in, we must identify it, get a hold of it and eradicate it. Otherwise we began to retrace our steps which we know leads to dysfunction and self-destruct.
Wish I had written this. :smileywink:
E1
Ending will be painful too but unlike the pain of the A, Ending pain is pain with a purpose much like childbirth. The difference is the Ending pain will lessen over time and subside, the pain of the A will continue as long as you allow yourself to be a willing participant.
V888
xxxxx
TU.
I LOVED my anger ... I embraced it, owned it, and recognized it as a healthy expression of deeper feelings of HURT. FRUSTRATION, DISAPPOINTMENT, SHAME, REGRET ... ANGER is an emotion that signals LOUDLY something MUST STOP/CHANGE. Anger leads to actions if you work to unpack what it is trying to tell you. Anger isn't to be dismissed, spewed toward another, minimized or feared - it is to be listened to with deep respect.
Nothing changes until you do.
This absoluetly resounded with me today:)
TU -
You'll stay stuck as long as you choose to be stuck. Yup. I stayed stuck too - it was a good distraction from my real life. Stuck cost me my marriage. Stuck means I tuck my kids in only 50% of the time. Stuck financially devastated me. You get the point.
New Season -
When we consider breaking NC we think in our fantasy minds of how it is all going to play out and it will NEVER play out like it plays out in your mind.
TU - (Yes, again)
I realized that even if we were together I would grow to slowly resent him and myself for the destruction we had caused one another's family. I would never have trusted him, and I would never have got the help I needed to heal myself. I likely would have had another affair - and I am certain he would have too. A solid partnership COULD NOT have been built on a foundation poured from lies, deceit, hurt & manipulation.
V888
xxxxx
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