You were all right....you told me so...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
You were all right....you told me so...
13
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 2:23pm

And I am a complete and utter IDIOT!!

I guess there is nothing to say, yet I have SO much to say. I'm hurt but more so, incredibly DISGUSTINGLY ANGRY!!

He went back home, out of his apartment, took all his things and went back home! But of course, not before he shredded all that he could of what was left of my heart. Spent weeks with me, my dd's and family. Stayed over....brought some of his stuff to my house...we went out in public...brought his dd over my house (mind she started calling me "Mommy"!!!...spent unbelievable time with me and said the most unbelievable things....UNBELIEVABLE IS RIGHT!!! Again, yes, he did this to me AGAIN, what this is the 3 time.....so I deserve it for being such....oh I don't know...an IDIOT!!!

Then, after an amazing time Friday night, I didn't hear from him on Saturday. I came home, his stuff was gone. I called and left him a vm. He didn't call me until Sunday night, to tell me, he's sorry but he HAS to do this, he "CAN'T LET GO AND DOESN'T THINK HE EVER WILL".

Well, well, well, I told him everything that I could of thought of at that moment and whatever I forgot, I then left him one long vm with.

I'm having horrible thoughts of wanting him to suffer the worst pain possible. I wanted to call his W as she called me and tell her every little bit of what she "thinks" she is married to, but believe me, I know it's wrong and nothing will come out of it. I'm not that person anyway, I'm not HIM! I can't PURPOSELY hurt, decieve, lie and betray someone for my own selfish needs! HOW DARE HE, BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, HOW DARE I ALLOW IT!!!!????

I just want him in pain, I want him to suffer, I want to shred and tear his heart out! I did NOTHING but love him, be honest with him and gave him my ALL. Just so that he can take it and spit it out like vomit! That's all I was?? He still till the last second on that phone call denied it.....repeated over and over that he loved me, he just can't do this! YEAH RIGHT!

I'm also just as angry and disgusted with myself, how dare I be soooooo STUPID and NIEVE! That's just it, I wasn't nieve at all, I saw the fire and walked right in, maybe I deserve this utter humiliation and pain. I got BURNED! Wow, I didn't even feel this angry during my D, but my best friend reminded me that I did, I have just chosen to forget.....funny, it's true. I thought that I have NEVER felt so much pain, or hurt, but I did and I managed to turn things around and be OK, then I can get there again.

Did I say how I detest him and his very being! I hope these feelings go away, it's not like me to be so angry and I'm not even functioning right. It shows all over my face, everyone here at the office is telling me that I look annoyed.....ANNOYED is not the word, if they only knew that for the first time, I feel that I can actually HATE someone and THAT is a strong word let alone emotion...

So, all of you, go ahead, say you told me so, because you did and I didn't listen.

I'm seeing my therapist today and thank goodness because I feel like going to his house after work and ringing the doorbell and PUNCHING him dead in the face.....after, I'd like to walk over him (as he did me) go to his W and tell her EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! She already knows a lot of it, but I'm sure there is a ton she doesn't know.

Well, luckily for me, I have my beautiful dd's and they will keep me focused. That will remind me to be a better person and just suck this up (as it was enormously my fault) and just move on...

Please help me make this anger and pain go away as quickily as possible, I don't like it at all and I don't want it to consume me...as always, thank you all for letting me vent, don't know who to go to, my best friend/mom know but they "told me so" and I can't hear that from them right now...

Doves
Still that "Bunny", just an angry one =(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 2:41pm

Oh doves, what a horrible place you are in right now.

No one will say I told you so, we all use our best judgement at the time and hope for the best outcome. It could have been for real this time, you had no way of knowing. But I believe now, regardless of whatever crap he lays before you from here out..I really believe you will never again give him the chance to wreck havoc on your heart again.

Let him make his own mistakes now, you've told him off (although I know you have loads more to say), but from here out, never let him have the satisfaction of seeing you or hearing from you ever again. That anger, although it is scary to feel it that intensely, is going to help you really see things with 20/20 vision this time. Use it to your advantage.

Your anger and pain is coming through loud and clear..wish I could do more to help :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 2:48pm

Thanks hurt, it's really odd how angry I am, the other 2 times, I cried my eyes out and moped around so depressed, now, I am feeling soooo much RAGE, but the pain is there....it's as if a part of me woke up and wants to protect the soft side of me...or should I say the STUPID side of me...

I hope your right, I hope this anger helps me walk away for good and never look back..............even though there is SO much that I still want to say and do, it's not even funny.....>:( But no, I won't give him another breath of mine to take and do as he pleases, I won't give him another second of hearing my voice, I won't allow him to see me in so much pain AGAIN...he did/saw/heard enough.

Hey, thanks for not telling me "you told me so", but Lord knows each of you did and I just didn't want to see it...

{{{{{{{HUGS TO YOU}}}}}}}}}}}

Doves

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 3:11pm

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Doves}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I don't think anyone would think that you hadn't thought all this out, given the actions of him before and during he moved in. Many of us think you ARE intelligent and loving. THIS WILL NOT BE CHANGED..I WILL NOT THINK OTHERWISE.

He is really something, it scares me that he can do this to you AGAIN. I know you tried really hard to be rational...we all saw your posts. Yes, you play a role in this, but he has a way of not being honest with himself or you. NOT A FAIR PLAYING FIELD BY NO MEANS. How cruel to have a great Friday and then to leave like that. It is soooooooooooooooo hard when its nothing you've done negatively to prompt someone abandoning.

its the worse feeling in the world. Perhaps he does this to his wife as well. The anger will help deal with the "now". It will be hard when you are done being angry and just left with hurt. I don't really think they know the feeling of being left like that. He doesn't. Perhaps that is the way you can make him feel what you are feeling. Leave him without any solace, consolation, nothing. Get your ego fed from his begging...offer ZERO back.
This is awful...tearing up for you...::::::::Hugs::::::::: NO I TOLD YOU SO'S from me. You give (and yes, rationally) until he totally inhilated you again but so deceptively.

I am glad you see your role but my dear this was rather extreme in his cowardice.
::hugs::
Lizzie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 3:20pm

doves,

well ..... i think u got the answer that u are looking for, HE WILL NOT be with u , he choose a different path, now it is all up to you to do the right thing, i know it has been said so many times ( i fail myself) we this is the only choice we have now, not go back but move forward, HOW, I DONT KNOW YET, im just here to let u know i am also in pain as u are, we all are and we all know how it feels

there is no one to blame, we al know what we are getting into, we just dont accept it, like FREE said ONCE WE ACCEPT IT, then we can move on

cry if u must, be angry and bitter it u want to, but my 2 cents is dont spread the pain anymore, there is so much pain already

there is no finger pointing or i told u so, we do what we do coz we want to do it, we are blinded sometimes thats why we do it but nonetheless we still do it, no right or wrong !!

all the love u to, your daughter is waiting for all that love u can give,
max

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 3:21pm

Doves, Doves...we will never tell you we told you so..i won't anyway. You followed your heart. You were true to your heart and your love...you gave it every chance. Is that wrong? Stupid? Naive? Giving an honest try at what you believe in?? No, no...that's not stupid...that's what makes you the lovely woman he fell in love with in the first place. This is his decision. It's his bed, he made it, and he has chosen it, and he has to live with the consequences. No, i don't you think should take him back after this. But no beating yourself up.

You're angry? GOOD! i have seen anger used for the best motivations here. He hurt you. He convinced you take down your walls and he hurt you. Maybe not on purpose. But it happened, adn you can rebuild yourself and get through. i know you can.

i don't have much advice. Live and feel your emotions. The only way they start to wain is to feel them. Don't shove them away. Cry. Yell. Break plates. Please, don't give him another chance..yes, prepare yourself he may try. This guy always seems to come back (rolling eyes tee hee). Make a plan on what he'll do if he contacts you. Believe in yourself. Try not to start questioning your judgment. He got in under your radar. It's okay. He probably is a good guy, just not the guy for you right now. Think of the positive things you have learned...and then resolve to take them and move on.

You can do this girl and we will all help. We've been there, and i will be there again when xmm moves out of state in a month or 2.

hugs,
jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 3:43pm

Thank you all soooo much...

I'm hoping that he does come back, as a matter of fact, I am praying that he does...so that I can reject him in the best way that I can!!! That and only that will be one of the things that will make me feel soooo much better =), I want REVENGE sooo badly....sounds horrible, but right now that's what I want.

Your all right, he did decieve me, he took that love that I had and whether purposely or not, he stomped on it, I can only hope it happens to him. About his sick twisted M, they....she deserves it, she wanted NOTHING to do with him until I came around and she just had to keep putting her claws in it, and of course he LOVED being pulled back and forth from two amazing women, than let HER deal with his drama, he walked on her as much as he walked on me, so if she feels like a WINNER, she will be one of the biggest LOSERS and I WON because I won't end up with this excuse for a man, she will. HE WAS NEVER MINE ANYWAY!! So I deserve this as well....we all got it in the end. Except they are all happy and cozy and I'm left in the mud!!

Sorry, venting again =(

I'll feel better eventually, in the meantime, thanks for putting up with all I have to say, sometimes, I wish I could invite you all to my place for an A hating session!!!!

{{{HUGS TO ALL}}}

Doves

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 5:05pm

vent all you want. At least you can be sure your audience understands :)

i said nasty things to my mm. i told him no one cares about the promises made to me and dd, only the "w". we all go through it. It's okay. You are allowed to mad, you're even allowed to hate, as long as you view it as a phase onto something different. It took 2 to make this mess, and doves alone can come out of it a better person. Remember, he's still stuck in his m w/ her LOL.

hugs, me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 5:07pm

Mental hugs coming your way and not one "I told you so" from me.

I am truly sorry that it turned out this way. Yes, you walked into it with your eyes open, but he sure gave the impression that he was ready and willing to move in your direction. If my xMM had even hinted at moving out and getting his own place, I would have been all over it! I don't blame you one bit for giving a shot. Lord knows we've all done the yo-yo thing to the n'th degree.

I also agree with the other posters that you can use your anger to build your defenses. If he went so far as to move out, then move back in with her (WHY would she allow that!) then he's probably not done with his little game of playing both sides.

How can he claim to love you after leaving without a word to move back in with his W is beyond me. It sounds like he loves whomever and whatever he can get the most from at the time. Currently it's her.

In some way, I hope he does swing back in your direction so you can give him the final heave ho that he deserves! As long as both you and his W keep giving in to his whims, why should he change? He'll be in for a much-deserved rude awakening if he tries that with you again!

Stay strong, Doves. You've made it this far and you know you can take it all the way this time.

Thinking good thoughts for you! Hug those beautiful DDs and don't give him one more minute of your time in thought, word or deed. ~Shel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 7:57pm

No finger waggling or told-ya-so's from here either. Meh, Doves, you're no more and no less an idiot than any of us who were dense enough to have an A, kiddo.

Now, see if you can't use that anger to keep him out of your life and just as importantly keep your DDs safe from his king-sized, flip-flopping, wishy-washy, fencepost-squatting, coward-a$$ self.

Change those locks if he has keys, block those email addresses, block his IM usernames, ditch that sim card because as Id so wisely says "stick a fork in me, I'm done!"

You can safely say you've given him every possible chance to come good for you so any failing is down to him & his own choices. And let's face it, it's HIS loss!

You may have just dodged a bullet there, Doves.

~LeFeen~

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. " ~Anais Nin~
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 8:21pm

Doves,
If it's any consolation, I think him clearing out his stuff is the best thing for you.
No fingers from me either. I know that we're our own toughest critic and from the responses on this board...you can falloff, fallover, falldown and someone will always be here to help you pick yourself up by your bootstraps:)

Go spend some quality time with your girls.
Hope you have a good night reading all of the support & prayers you have here.
Goodnight,
Hellsie

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