Your Biggest Regret?
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| Wed, 03-03-2010 - 10:13am |
Dear Enders,
Anyone can reply to this thread, but for those of you further out of your affair, what have you realized is your biggest regret for going down this road?
Mine was, or should I say still is, the fact that I broke a promise to myself that I would NEVER get involved with a MM. I had plenty of opportunities over the years but always avoided them like the Bubonic Plague. I thought of it as despicable behavior, and would harshly judge any friend that had chosen this path. I actually lost 2 very close friends many years ago by cutting them off over what they were doing. Ugh! How I wish I could turn back the clock sometimes. Perhaps that's another regret I have? ;-)
Who else would like to chime in? I think it's important that we recognize where our forgiveness is needed the most.
((Hugs))

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My biggest regret is all of the times that I made xap a priority over my family.
I regret not trusting my instincts...I did not know I was in a A initially. But there were signs. I did not trust myself. My natural instincts. I could not see past what I wanted. It was all too good to be true and I knew that but still continued, even after I found out. Selfishness. Stupidity.
I regret most that I let someone else convince me to stop protecting myself by using condoms. I knew that regardless M or not M, I should have never let someone convince me that they were "safe" etc...I made the poorest decision ever and that has had long term physical and emotional effects that I still have to deal with, even all these months out. Ending A's are enough to deal with, I was dumb enough to let it really affect my physical health and it could have devastated me, my family and my children.
I let him it all happen. Those are biggest regret.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Good reflective thread Iddy!
I regret the lies I told to my DH, my children and myself.
When we start to believe our own lies, we betray ourselves on the highest level.
Big hugs,
E1
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hey Iddy -
No need to apologize.
I regret allowing him to relentlessly puruse me until I was hooked
I regret breaking my marriage vows and my vow to God, when I had only been with me husband.
even though i'm not really sure i deserve to be here since i'm still working on ending it... but that is why i'm here, to learn from you all and let you guys convince me how stupid i am for not... and you are doing a mighty fine job of it!!!
I'm pretty new here, but I thought I would jump in.
The number one thing I regret is getting so lost in this person that I forgot myself.
I also said that I would never get involved with a MM. When it started I didn't know that it would go this far, but thats not an excuse for stealing from another woman and lying to my family.
I regret so many things it would take me a week to type it all out.
I don't regret finding this board and finding the strength to go NC.
>"They sucked the life right out of us and then dump our remains on the side of the road for the vultures to feast upon. Anyone stumbling across what was left of us knows immediately that we are fighting to breathe, and in desperate need of help. I do believe it's that obvious to those closest to us; not that we had an A, but that we are surely suffering from something. They feel helpless and confused, and then what do we do next? We lie to them some more, pretending that everything is fine, and that we just hit a rough patch of sorts..."<
Dear Iddy, truer words have never been said.
I am regretting missing out on so many precious moments with my child, who was such a gift, and who's love, time, and affection I put second to a man that threw me away. This lovely child, who is so happy to see me when I come home (Mommy!!!) - I would blow off and get a sitter so I could sneak away. I ignored his crying so I could chat on the phone with xAP...I hurried him to bed after seeing him for just a few minutes when I got home, so I could see/talk to xAP. I was short-tempered with him, even yelled at him when I was angry/disappointed at xAP. I missed so many things over the past 1.5 yrs...OMG...what have I done?
My poor baby deserves so much more of a mother. What a failure I have turned out to be. What possible love can I give, or role model can I be to this poor child? The greatest gift was given to me, just to be put second, casually tossed aside. Did I think I wouldn't miss anything? He grew up so fast. I feel like I've missed an entire year of his life.
My H, the one I hated so much when I started the A, the one I wanted to revenge-hurt...now just looks like a sad, beaten-down man who works at a job he hates to support his family. He often makes me a lunch to take to work the next day. He does the laundry. He is not the same man I hated so very much at one point. He has really turned a new leaf and been trying to be a good H and father - and I've been lying and hurting him. For so long, I hated him. I thought he didn't deserve me, so I deserved some fun for myself. Now, I feel I don't deserve him...nor my son.
Misty
Dear Misty,
Your post brought tears to my eyes. It took me back to when my children were small and I had go to work every day and leave them with sitters, missing so many precious moments like their first words, or their first baby step. I know how much this is hurting your right now, but honey, you can make up for it by being present in their lives now. Make every day count for having these blessings in your life. Our children grow up so quickly.
~Iddy~
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